Hello and Greetings from the Upstate! I like this whole out of state thing: I really wanna just wank off like some traveling radio show telling everyone how their little slice of the world is THE best slice of the world. And I can, cause it raised me. Nice. In all reality though it's really hit home (no pun intended) that "getting out" should be balanced with remembering where one comes from, the area that you needed to get away from in the first place.
I mean, so far I have had the quintessential vacation. If I want to reminisce, I can actaully go to the place where the it was first formed. I got to watch a Giants game with an old high school contemporary (it was fun Karin, maybe we'll get our season tickets by the time we're 40 -- and when we do, I'll see ya at every one). Got to kick it with the holmes (I don't think we could have had enough tequila to make the Albany drinking scene less disabled than it was), hung out fashionably with the rents (Apologies, but I had to read parents and fashionable in the same sentence; it had been so long that I had to make it happen) and just generally remembered why and the fact that my younger years were held together by some pretty kickin things to do. That's not to say that they are on par with today's days and nights (I mean, we can now consume intoxcating things, enough said), but considering the vast amounts of nothing I knew about myself and my world during my upbringing things were so bad. Like drinking a bottle of whisky between 2 people in an hour before mayday -- Jesus christ, I remember nothing but Tom, myself, and the shaggin' wagon waking up scattered about the track at RPI: 7 miles and four hours from where we started.
I could go on, but I am currently in the middle of a little experiment: can I make the place where I grew up fun in the current time? I'm optimistic, and I promise to keep you current of anything truly noteworthy. Happy holidays everyone, I'll be home on the 29th and in the meanwhile, don't do anything that I wouldn't do.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
For every tail there's a head in the dark
And for every thought there are a million ways to say it incorrectly. A note on writers block, it does make for some interesting thinking. I mean, what better act of imagination than trying to pull something out the air and into the world? Your mind can effortlessly drift around countless ideas, from the mundane thoughts on the day to the daunting task of trying to qualify that je ne sais quoi and present it to the world. I mean, it's only something too deep for words.
Too deep for words. It has occured to me the fundamental problem of language is that we artificially created it in order to do things accomplished, not say what we mean. When one thinks of a purple elephant (pause, pause, pause) I think I can say that you did not think of the words 'paisly elephant' -- you imagined an oddly patterned pachaderm. Now try to think of happy. Try again. It's hard to picture hmmm? Perhaps some memories which made you happy popped into your head. Could have been someone with a smile on their face. Either way, I'm pretty sure you couldn't get a picture of "Happy".
Yet "Happy" along with other terms of feeling get bandied about on TV like they are going out of style. And I make the call to everyone that perhaps we should take a moment to consider something before doing it again. As I mentioned before, language is by its nature descriptive; I would argue that it can only describle things we can see: it breaks down unuseably when attempting things that I call 'Inner senses'. Inner senses are completely opaque to all but oneself, yet these are the things that we so badly need to communicate.
We do have a method, and that is why we have the arts. Being a believable actor, a talented musician, a gifted painter: all of these in a lay sense entail being able to convey feeling to others: taking a slice of that ineffable now and describing it perfectly. All with the same language, all with the same words. Yet this ability is often lost in medias res: your letter is received not as an apology but a cheap dig, your clever comment is misinterpreterd (ever have the "oh now I get it" moment after a conversation) and so on.
So in the end, I envision a spectrum of language. The spectrum is based on symbolism and ranges from cut, dry and defined (philosophy, academic writing) to highly figurative (poetry, lyrics) with a huge grey area in the middle. On this view, the trouble with communication between say, lovers or friends, arises when they are assuming different areas in the field. Said otherwise, aside from the connnotated facets of word meaning (how one speaks), a line like "Don't fall through the stars" can either be a non sequitor, or perhaps a brilliant lyrical line (go Mike Doughty!). It can be either, but not both, at least not until retrospect.
This is a tough case to hash out because most people have no care to say what they mean: the typical descriptive (object dependant) way of communique is fine. But try it sometime. Use words in obscure meanings, a new way, make it fit the inner senses. Understand the linguistic power of "I look to like if looking liking move," really think about it. I've recently come to understand the power of an errant word (just happened one day while watching the snowfall with a wicked hangover). I mean, ladies, would you prefer "hey, I like you" or would you prefer "I closed my eyes, and the thought of you made the troubles of my day just fall away" (or maybe both, or neither, and only if the situation warranted of course: I would never recommend just kinda throwing that around to everyone). Although it's kinda hand-wavey, I really want to bring to light the notion of the importance of cutivating the care of our language that it deserves. Our langauge is enourmous: estimates put it between 500,000 in the Oxford English Dictionary (1,000,000 including scientific words), and the typical college graduate's vocabulary is about 60,000 active words: we have the capacity, lets use it.
P.S. Since Tiki Barber is the man (I can't stress this enough) I'm gonna passs the keyboard off to Michael Eisen: Barber, the first Giants running back with multiple Pro Bowl appearances since Rodney Hampton in 1992 and '93, is having an extraordinary season. His team-record 220-yard outing last week against Kansas City increased his season total to 1,577 yards, another franchise standard that he can add to in the season's final two games. It was his fifth consecutive 100-yard game, another record. Barber is second in the NFL in rushing yards. He also has 421 receiving yards, which gives him 1,998 yards from scrimmage, 258 yards more than runner-up Shaun Alexander of Seattle. Barber needs 99 yards to break the Giants single-season record he set last year and he is on the verge of being the first player to lead the NFL in yards from scrimmage in back-to-back seasons since the Chiefs' Priest Holmes in 2001 and '02. This year, Barber has twice been selected as NFC Offensive Player of the Week, including this week. Damn right.
Too deep for words. It has occured to me the fundamental problem of language is that we artificially created it in order to do things accomplished, not say what we mean. When one thinks of a purple elephant (pause, pause, pause) I think I can say that you did not think of the words 'paisly elephant' -- you imagined an oddly patterned pachaderm. Now try to think of happy. Try again. It's hard to picture hmmm? Perhaps some memories which made you happy popped into your head. Could have been someone with a smile on their face. Either way, I'm pretty sure you couldn't get a picture of "Happy".
Yet "Happy" along with other terms of feeling get bandied about on TV like they are going out of style. And I make the call to everyone that perhaps we should take a moment to consider something before doing it again. As I mentioned before, language is by its nature descriptive; I would argue that it can only describle things we can see: it breaks down unuseably when attempting things that I call 'Inner senses'. Inner senses are completely opaque to all but oneself, yet these are the things that we so badly need to communicate.
We do have a method, and that is why we have the arts. Being a believable actor, a talented musician, a gifted painter: all of these in a lay sense entail being able to convey feeling to others: taking a slice of that ineffable now and describing it perfectly. All with the same language, all with the same words. Yet this ability is often lost in medias res: your letter is received not as an apology but a cheap dig, your clever comment is misinterpreterd (ever have the "oh now I get it" moment after a conversation) and so on.
So in the end, I envision a spectrum of language. The spectrum is based on symbolism and ranges from cut, dry and defined (philosophy, academic writing) to highly figurative (poetry, lyrics) with a huge grey area in the middle. On this view, the trouble with communication between say, lovers or friends, arises when they are assuming different areas in the field. Said otherwise, aside from the connnotated facets of word meaning (how one speaks), a line like "Don't fall through the stars" can either be a non sequitor, or perhaps a brilliant lyrical line (go Mike Doughty!). It can be either, but not both, at least not until retrospect.
This is a tough case to hash out because most people have no care to say what they mean: the typical descriptive (object dependant) way of communique is fine. But try it sometime. Use words in obscure meanings, a new way, make it fit the inner senses. Understand the linguistic power of "I look to like if looking liking move," really think about it. I've recently come to understand the power of an errant word (just happened one day while watching the snowfall with a wicked hangover). I mean, ladies, would you prefer "hey, I like you" or would you prefer "I closed my eyes, and the thought of you made the troubles of my day just fall away" (or maybe both, or neither, and only if the situation warranted of course: I would never recommend just kinda throwing that around to everyone). Although it's kinda hand-wavey, I really want to bring to light the notion of the importance of cutivating the care of our language that it deserves. Our langauge is enourmous: estimates put it between 500,000 in the Oxford English Dictionary (1,000,000 including scientific words), and the typical college graduate's vocabulary is about 60,000 active words: we have the capacity, lets use it.
P.S. Since Tiki Barber is the man (I can't stress this enough) I'm gonna passs the keyboard off to Michael Eisen: Barber, the first Giants running back with multiple Pro Bowl appearances since Rodney Hampton in 1992 and '93, is having an extraordinary season. His team-record 220-yard outing last week against Kansas City increased his season total to 1,577 yards, another franchise standard that he can add to in the season's final two games. It was his fifth consecutive 100-yard game, another record. Barber is second in the NFL in rushing yards. He also has 421 receiving yards, which gives him 1,998 yards from scrimmage, 258 yards more than runner-up Shaun Alexander of Seattle. Barber needs 99 yards to break the Giants single-season record he set last year and he is on the verge of being the first player to lead the NFL in yards from scrimmage in back-to-back seasons since the Chiefs' Priest Holmes in 2001 and '02. This year, Barber has twice been selected as NFC Offensive Player of the Week, including this week. Damn right.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Ever longer wavelengths...
It's times like these that I rue our evolutionary design. For example, as Clvin and Hobbes so nicely put it, we really got the short end of the stick ("No 2-inch fangs, no opposable toes, no prehensile tail...), especially when it coes to winter.
I mean damn, all I want to do is hiberate. Although that wouldn't be too bad a deal right? All you gotta do is eat about 100,000 calories to fatten up, find a nice little cave for a few months and wake up nice and fit in the spring. Perfect, now why is it instead I get to curse the winter all the way through, in all of its below 0 glory? Beacuse I am just sure that there is some cosmic broker, kinda like a sports agent for new species, bartering for various traits in exchange for others. The mudskipper, for example, has both lung and gills, and moves from place to place by flopping around. Lyrebirds disguise themselves by mimiking the sounds of the forest -- in cluding chainswas and camera. We have rationality (a beta version if you ask me), and we traded it for all the nifty little add-ons that mark other animals: no gills, no hibernation, useless young. I wonder sometimes if we should have fired the cosmic agent and see if we can't renegotiate.
All kidding aside, I can't help but notice the notion of trade-offs. Just as humans 'traded' the ability to be sentient for god knows what (I know we gave up a tail and opposable toes), there appears to be a trade off among humans as well. Take a look at your friends, your aquaintances, your coworkers, whatever. Now exclude all of the useless people: those sad, miserable middle managers and pessimism mongers: what they traded for I have no idea. Now look who is left. Each of the friends you have you have because of things that they inspire in you and things that you are inspired to do together. You like them for the things they know and the content of their character and perhaps even that ineffable something that happends when you two are together (I call this the best case scenario: in real life I've found friends are found more over a bottle or under a joint, or in between the lines on the mirror, my quality to them as a wingman or who they know, but that's too depressing and outside the scope of what I want to say). These are the folks who complete you, who fill in the trade-offs that you have made qua your own life.
Before you go screaming about that there is abuse of the word friend going on here, take a close look. Chances are, except for perhaps an all purpoe buddy that is your equal in every way, you have different friends that are good at different things: some friends you can go to the gym with, only a couple you would like to go into battle with at the bar (another criteria but same priciple), still others you might not have wanted you other friends to meet. I know I've got some friends that I wouldn't have a personal conversation with to save my life: they have traded the ability to be a confidant for something else, some folks even naturally make us feel better about ourselves due to their inability (most of the time they have traded things like social skills and charisma for one ludicrous dream, but that's fun too)
Now after that murky little paragraph, what am I actually trying to say? You'll have to give me a little latitude, any talents I may have with strings of words leaves me at an incredble clip; but I'm saying a few different things. (1) Our little human minds only have so much we can take on (thus, sorry folks, unless you got some sweet genes between the parents, you may have a chance at being that gifted writer, OR a musician who can make a living, OR be an elite athlete but never more than 1). We just aren't good enough at concept aquisition and application. Thus the old adage may be true that we can be anything we want to be, but we gotta choose, NOW. (2) Whether we know it or not, our friends complete who we are: ideally each one carries a character trait or ability at which they exceed our own abilities and conversely, they also carry traits that are less developed as us: they way we need them they need us as well. (3) It is only in this way that we can overcome the little problem of evolution that I brough up earlier.
So where do friends factor into this weird little equation? What is the connection between friends and the trade-off? Well, just because we aren't talented in something doesn't mean that we don't still immensly enjoy it. That's why nerds watch football, groupies exist, and people can and do find a nicely developed mind appealing. So, am I gonna go hang out with Tiki Barber (my hero, and if you don't know, now you know: you've been warned) to chat football? Nah, too much security. But what I can do is find a couple friends. Between us we will all do multiple things: complain about the officiating, consume beer, make biting commments about John Madden and Al Michaels and $&*%%#$(_&^$ (some things are too sacred to be spoken of outside of NFL, especially NY Giants, hours). We will all participate, and while one friend may not be the thickest book in the library, another may not have the years of building anomosity toward color commentary and so on: sum total we have all that we need in the level that we need it.
The conclusions we can draw from just these three claims can range from self-help to sociological with side trips into social psychology and economics (yes, economics), but I will try to let practical wit reign here. Basically, we cannot feel bad about our failings, assuming we are trying: we just aren't capable enough to be the best at all that we are interested in: such is the human condition. But what we do have is friends, which let us glimpse a bit of how we want to be, and remind us of some of the things we are thankful we are not, and you know you have found a friend when you can say that you have found someone who all at once: inspires you, frustrates you, confuses you and clarifies you (the list could go on forever, think about opposing pardigm existing at once). Basically, when you've got good people we need not fire our evolutionary agent: he may not negotiate well, but he/she's got a pretty good eye for talent nonetheless.
Note: Why the friend kick? Well, it's what the holidays do to me I can't help it. Thanks guys, you know who you are and I really appreciate it. Hello again to the old CCHS chums recently refound (thanks MySpace), I'm coming home on the 23rd, we gotta go out for some drinks and general hell raising. Why the Giants theme? WELL, THE GIANTS ARE F^*($&^ 10-4! Besides, Tiki is my hero, and as of this post the NFL's leading rusher. Why the evolution kick? Well, it gets very easy, especially in the winter, to think of everything we DON'T rather than all the neat stuff that we DO. Time to even the score.
I mean damn, all I want to do is hiberate. Although that wouldn't be too bad a deal right? All you gotta do is eat about 100,000 calories to fatten up, find a nice little cave for a few months and wake up nice and fit in the spring. Perfect, now why is it instead I get to curse the winter all the way through, in all of its below 0 glory? Beacuse I am just sure that there is some cosmic broker, kinda like a sports agent for new species, bartering for various traits in exchange for others. The mudskipper, for example, has both lung and gills, and moves from place to place by flopping around. Lyrebirds disguise themselves by mimiking the sounds of the forest -- in cluding chainswas and camera. We have rationality (a beta version if you ask me), and we traded it for all the nifty little add-ons that mark other animals: no gills, no hibernation, useless young. I wonder sometimes if we should have fired the cosmic agent and see if we can't renegotiate.
All kidding aside, I can't help but notice the notion of trade-offs. Just as humans 'traded' the ability to be sentient for god knows what (I know we gave up a tail and opposable toes), there appears to be a trade off among humans as well. Take a look at your friends, your aquaintances, your coworkers, whatever. Now exclude all of the useless people: those sad, miserable middle managers and pessimism mongers: what they traded for I have no idea. Now look who is left. Each of the friends you have you have because of things that they inspire in you and things that you are inspired to do together. You like them for the things they know and the content of their character and perhaps even that ineffable something that happends when you two are together (I call this the best case scenario: in real life I've found friends are found more over a bottle or under a joint, or in between the lines on the mirror, my quality to them as a wingman or who they know, but that's too depressing and outside the scope of what I want to say). These are the folks who complete you, who fill in the trade-offs that you have made qua your own life.
Before you go screaming about that there is abuse of the word friend going on here, take a close look. Chances are, except for perhaps an all purpoe buddy that is your equal in every way, you have different friends that are good at different things: some friends you can go to the gym with, only a couple you would like to go into battle with at the bar (another criteria but same priciple), still others you might not have wanted you other friends to meet. I know I've got some friends that I wouldn't have a personal conversation with to save my life: they have traded the ability to be a confidant for something else, some folks even naturally make us feel better about ourselves due to their inability (most of the time they have traded things like social skills and charisma for one ludicrous dream, but that's fun too)
Now after that murky little paragraph, what am I actually trying to say? You'll have to give me a little latitude, any talents I may have with strings of words leaves me at an incredble clip; but I'm saying a few different things. (1) Our little human minds only have so much we can take on (thus, sorry folks, unless you got some sweet genes between the parents, you may have a chance at being that gifted writer, OR a musician who can make a living, OR be an elite athlete but never more than 1). We just aren't good enough at concept aquisition and application. Thus the old adage may be true that we can be anything we want to be, but we gotta choose, NOW. (2) Whether we know it or not, our friends complete who we are: ideally each one carries a character trait or ability at which they exceed our own abilities and conversely, they also carry traits that are less developed as us: they way we need them they need us as well. (3) It is only in this way that we can overcome the little problem of evolution that I brough up earlier.
So where do friends factor into this weird little equation? What is the connection between friends and the trade-off? Well, just because we aren't talented in something doesn't mean that we don't still immensly enjoy it. That's why nerds watch football, groupies exist, and people can and do find a nicely developed mind appealing. So, am I gonna go hang out with Tiki Barber (my hero, and if you don't know, now you know: you've been warned) to chat football? Nah, too much security. But what I can do is find a couple friends. Between us we will all do multiple things: complain about the officiating, consume beer, make biting commments about John Madden and Al Michaels and $&*%%#$(_&^$ (some things are too sacred to be spoken of outside of NFL, especially NY Giants, hours). We will all participate, and while one friend may not be the thickest book in the library, another may not have the years of building anomosity toward color commentary and so on: sum total we have all that we need in the level that we need it.
The conclusions we can draw from just these three claims can range from self-help to sociological with side trips into social psychology and economics (yes, economics), but I will try to let practical wit reign here. Basically, we cannot feel bad about our failings, assuming we are trying: we just aren't capable enough to be the best at all that we are interested in: such is the human condition. But what we do have is friends, which let us glimpse a bit of how we want to be, and remind us of some of the things we are thankful we are not, and you know you have found a friend when you can say that you have found someone who all at once: inspires you, frustrates you, confuses you and clarifies you (the list could go on forever, think about opposing pardigm existing at once). Basically, when you've got good people we need not fire our evolutionary agent: he may not negotiate well, but he/she's got a pretty good eye for talent nonetheless.
Note: Why the friend kick? Well, it's what the holidays do to me I can't help it. Thanks guys, you know who you are and I really appreciate it. Hello again to the old CCHS chums recently refound (thanks MySpace), I'm coming home on the 23rd, we gotta go out for some drinks and general hell raising. Why the Giants theme? WELL, THE GIANTS ARE F^*($&^ 10-4! Besides, Tiki is my hero, and as of this post the NFL's leading rusher. Why the evolution kick? Well, it gets very easy, especially in the winter, to think of everything we DON'T rather than all the neat stuff that we DO. Time to even the score.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Yea, So, Ah, Right, And Um...
In place of the normal words which spill forth from my adaquetly useful fingers, I've found that today, nothing really comes out. I even tried thinking, "well, what is this blog? How can I add to it?" But inside and underneath and of the discipline bending that I hoped to do I realized that I have been sorely lacking in one area: the day off.
Behold my friends, the power of the day off. Today I have a list of things to do, and I'd imagine that they will get done, but on my own damn time. There is such a premium on having every moment be so full of meaning and desire and profundity and truth that today, I am going to be the exception that proves the rule. For as it turns out, the definition of a productive day comes in so many different forms (just like intelligence).
For example. Today I have done everything that I would like to do. I've slept in, played some guitar, opened a myspace account, done battle with said myspace account and was forced to retreat, took out some recycling, drank (and am currently drinking) a couple of beers, read a little, shipped off some email. In fact, this post is the most concerted thing I have done all day. I still have to make some phone calls, to friends that I have deliquent in staying in proper touch with, but this is something that I can't wait to do.
The glorious day off is made all the more glorious by the fact that I don't get very many. The freelance philosopher/lifeguard/retail associate/personal trainer as it turns out doesn't get many chanes to unwind; between living very frugally and having an ever changing schedule of things. So when I have 24 while hours to do whatever fuck-all I wish, I get to take it.
In fact, I'm gonna write this whole day off. I just gonna say that this is the time when I take type B to a whole new level. In the search for balance we must probe the extremes in order to find the nuances that still exist in moderation: a new level of description for balance. Today is ungrammatical. Today, I will misuse a semicolon: in fact, I plan to misuse all of the symbols of puctuation for my own dastardly means;
I am always amazed at the difference a {day} off means. It has occured to me, both anectdotally and introspectively, that I am a pretty laid back person. I agree, though what i realized the other day is that this all relative. With my background in learning to relax and just letting go I have managed to find more and more opportunities when I could let another thing go into the water always flowing under the bridge. I won't get into examples, for fear of making someone uptight on my behalf, but suffice to say I do get wound, just differently.
So what does this mean? It means that today, all of you can rest easy, because I am relaxing for you all. If you're feeling stressed today, just think, WWID (this does not include using substances if the situation does not call for it). I question the value of having a shot or with your boss, unless you think you may be on candid porn, in which case a shot might precipitate your ascension to stardom.
As for me? I might take a nap, though I think that I might just be too relaxed to move the 4.5 feet to get there. I might read a book: luckily there is a sweet book of poetry by Symborska staring me in the face. Bonus. I could just topple from my chair, but then I would have to climb back up. Damn* You know, I think I'm going to do none of the above: instead, I'm going to turn on my lava lamp and watch cartoons (Venture Bros. rock!). A bientot tout les persons! Au revoir!
Behold my friends, the power of the day off. Today I have a list of things to do, and I'd imagine that they will get done, but on my own damn time. There is such a premium on having every moment be so full of meaning and desire and profundity and truth that today, I am going to be the exception that proves the rule. For as it turns out, the definition of a productive day comes in so many different forms (just like intelligence).
For example. Today I have done everything that I would like to do. I've slept in, played some guitar, opened a myspace account, done battle with said myspace account and was forced to retreat, took out some recycling, drank (and am currently drinking) a couple of beers, read a little, shipped off some email. In fact, this post is the most concerted thing I have done all day. I still have to make some phone calls, to friends that I have deliquent in staying in proper touch with, but this is something that I can't wait to do.
The glorious day off is made all the more glorious by the fact that I don't get very many. The freelance philosopher/lifeguard/retail associate/personal trainer as it turns out doesn't get many chanes to unwind; between living very frugally and having an ever changing schedule of things. So when I have 24 while hours to do whatever fuck-all I wish, I get to take it.
In fact, I'm gonna write this whole day off. I just gonna say that this is the time when I take type B to a whole new level. In the search for balance we must probe the extremes in order to find the nuances that still exist in moderation: a new level of description for balance. Today is ungrammatical. Today, I will misuse a semicolon: in fact, I plan to misuse all of the symbols of puctuation for my own dastardly means;
I am always amazed at the difference a {day} off means. It has occured to me, both anectdotally and introspectively, that I am a pretty laid back person. I agree, though what i realized the other day is that this all relative. With my background in learning to relax and just letting go I have managed to find more and more opportunities when I could let another thing go into the water always flowing under the bridge. I won't get into examples, for fear of making someone uptight on my behalf, but suffice to say I do get wound, just differently.
So what does this mean? It means that today, all of you can rest easy, because I am relaxing for you all. If you're feeling stressed today, just think, WWID (this does not include using substances if the situation does not call for it). I question the value of having a shot or with your boss, unless you think you may be on candid porn, in which case a shot might precipitate your ascension to stardom.
As for me? I might take a nap, though I think that I might just be too relaxed to move the 4.5 feet to get there. I might read a book: luckily there is a sweet book of poetry by Symborska staring me in the face. Bonus. I could just topple from my chair, but then I would have to climb back up. Damn* You know, I think I'm going to do none of the above: instead, I'm going to turn on my lava lamp and watch cartoons (Venture Bros. rock!). A bientot tout les persons! Au revoir!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
My day
I just want to cry. I want to cry for the customers who wander in
looking more for a conversation than for a purchase. I want to weep
for for all those who don't realize the amount of love that is
potentially all around them. I choke on all the hateful words that I
have both said and heard in my day.
I want to fight. I want to fight all those who shy away from certain
others in the name of popularity. You want to be cool? Stop caring
what other people think and start caring about yourself and your
ephemeral happiness. Where do you get off thinking that your joy is
tied in any way to a trend or paradigm set by those with budgets
beyond our comprehension and character about as deep as a kiddie pool?
My heart hangs heavy as I realize all the moments I wasted, all the
carnage that I have caused, for it is not intention but action which
creates the consequences. I pounds a little harder when I see the
awful truth that those who have everything will only know how to
appreciate when they lose it, if they ever do.
My fists clench as I contain the urge to knock the teeth out of the
mouths of those who waste their abilities; this includes myself; whomever
find solace ever in repeatition and habit over the brilliance of the
day.
My words I now hone, a sharper and sharper blade with which to cut
through the ambiguity and miscommunication in everday life, to attempt
to be heard amid the din of those with so much to say and so little to
impart.
My observation I focus, for it is in the details where the truth lies.
I can only hope that both my irises may shine a little brighter with
the rightous cause of being. For when it is darkest I cannot help but
see a way out, my others be so inspired as well.
My spirit I hold sacred, for it is the one and only thing that cannot
be taken away. Even through the abuse inflicted comes from both
inside and out, I cannot die, merely swept away, buried under the best
and worst intentions of those who I am fortunate enough to hold dear;
seen not as I am but how others wish, need me to be.
It is for all these reasons that I must carry on, for while others
suffer, I cannot myself be free, for to stand by is to accept. Be
careful, as far as my reach extends, I just might succeed.
looking more for a conversation than for a purchase. I want to weep
for for all those who don't realize the amount of love that is
potentially all around them. I choke on all the hateful words that I
have both said and heard in my day.
I want to fight. I want to fight all those who shy away from certain
others in the name of popularity. You want to be cool? Stop caring
what other people think and start caring about yourself and your
ephemeral happiness. Where do you get off thinking that your joy is
tied in any way to a trend or paradigm set by those with budgets
beyond our comprehension and character about as deep as a kiddie pool?
My heart hangs heavy as I realize all the moments I wasted, all the
carnage that I have caused, for it is not intention but action which
creates the consequences. I pounds a little harder when I see the
awful truth that those who have everything will only know how to
appreciate when they lose it, if they ever do.
My fists clench as I contain the urge to knock the teeth out of the
mouths of those who waste their abilities; this includes myself; whomever
find solace ever in repeatition and habit over the brilliance of the
day.
My words I now hone, a sharper and sharper blade with which to cut
through the ambiguity and miscommunication in everday life, to attempt
to be heard amid the din of those with so much to say and so little to
impart.
My observation I focus, for it is in the details where the truth lies.
I can only hope that both my irises may shine a little brighter with
the rightous cause of being. For when it is darkest I cannot help but
see a way out, my others be so inspired as well.
My spirit I hold sacred, for it is the one and only thing that cannot
be taken away. Even through the abuse inflicted comes from both
inside and out, I cannot die, merely swept away, buried under the best
and worst intentions of those who I am fortunate enough to hold dear;
seen not as I am but how others wish, need me to be.
It is for all these reasons that I must carry on, for while others
suffer, I cannot myself be free, for to stand by is to accept. Be
careful, as far as my reach extends, I just might succeed.
Moving right along
We all wish we could write an opus. That definitive work which will
not only let the world know the particular strand of genius we posses,
but would carry the gravity to let those we hurt know we have
repented, those we love how deeply we do, and recognize the mark that
those important to us have made on our lives. All this in a moving
and perfectly executed piece that will provide Hollywood type closure
and the peace of mind that all wanders seek.
And while our work continues we still suffer. Dragged into the
quagmire that is the human condition, our words fall limply from our
lips, impotently from pen to page, crippled action representing a mere
shadow of what we wish it to. These are the words and deeds which
hinder our lives, which prevent the entirety of our lives from being
that opus which we so desperately seek to create.
But this isn't a blog of pain and suffering, though to a point that is
what life is about. I would prefer to use this anguish, these
lifeless moments in a cold uncaring universe to rally our inner
mettle. For it is only from confusion and pain that inspiration and
clarity spring from. When we think that we cannot, or don't want to
continue, that is exactly the time to dive directly into the heart of
our suffering and clash with our inner demons. For in hiding in
cowardice, be it through drink or drug, or emotional detachment, that
is the stuff of beret wearing high school kids jacked on caffeine
seeking meaning from the new music they have heard that
oh-so-perfectly captures...
You've heard it. Maybe from a bad episode of Degrassi. Perhaps from
an after school special. Notice however that while Hollywood does
drama like it does the happy ending. Both treatments are saccharine,
yet our belief seems based in what we think and are told by media
should be, rather than what we see, know and desire in the remainder
of our lives.
So where is this headed? This is where I diverge from what I have
known, so give me a spot of latitude. I say, embrace your demons.
Thank those that have done you wrong. I don't mean send flowers and a
card, but settle the score. If you've gotten your heart broken, even
over and over, tell them and thank them; by carrying on despite that
pain you walk about a stronger more stable person. Addiction issues?
Congrats, depending on the severity of you are now able to walk this
earth knowing that you understand. Understand what the depths of
emotion are. Understand how amazing a single clean day can be.
Wanting to propose a toast to your self-control, when you begin to
control the demons that have previously run your life.
There's an old saying that we cannot know the light without the
darkness. I believe that to the core of my being, so to all of you
that have made it through unscathed I say, "Sorry". For no one makes
it out without a couple scars, and if you think you have then I would
applaud your powers of rationalization and perception: to wit, you
just haven't been paying attention. I don't mean to propose heading
out to the nearest park dweller named Falco and scoring some junk, but
to clean the skeletons out of the closet you first have to see that
they are there.
So until you become enlightened, try to put an end to unfinished
business. There are two responses to a given situation, fight (deal
with it) or flight (stuff it deep in the psyche), and while the former
will leave you with some marks, the latter will most likely lead to a
crippling mid-life crisis, more than one phobia and a boat load of
therapy bills.
Stop running people, 'cause after awhile it becomes a habit, and the
only thing worse than running is not knowing what you are running
from.
not only let the world know the particular strand of genius we posses,
but would carry the gravity to let those we hurt know we have
repented, those we love how deeply we do, and recognize the mark that
those important to us have made on our lives. All this in a moving
and perfectly executed piece that will provide Hollywood type closure
and the peace of mind that all wanders seek.
And while our work continues we still suffer. Dragged into the
quagmire that is the human condition, our words fall limply from our
lips, impotently from pen to page, crippled action representing a mere
shadow of what we wish it to. These are the words and deeds which
hinder our lives, which prevent the entirety of our lives from being
that opus which we so desperately seek to create.
But this isn't a blog of pain and suffering, though to a point that is
what life is about. I would prefer to use this anguish, these
lifeless moments in a cold uncaring universe to rally our inner
mettle. For it is only from confusion and pain that inspiration and
clarity spring from. When we think that we cannot, or don't want to
continue, that is exactly the time to dive directly into the heart of
our suffering and clash with our inner demons. For in hiding in
cowardice, be it through drink or drug, or emotional detachment, that
is the stuff of beret wearing high school kids jacked on caffeine
seeking meaning from the new music they have heard that
oh-so-perfectly captures...
You've heard it. Maybe from a bad episode of Degrassi. Perhaps from
an after school special. Notice however that while Hollywood does
drama like it does the happy ending. Both treatments are saccharine,
yet our belief seems based in what we think and are told by media
should be, rather than what we see, know and desire in the remainder
of our lives.
So where is this headed? This is where I diverge from what I have
known, so give me a spot of latitude. I say, embrace your demons.
Thank those that have done you wrong. I don't mean send flowers and a
card, but settle the score. If you've gotten your heart broken, even
over and over, tell them and thank them; by carrying on despite that
pain you walk about a stronger more stable person. Addiction issues?
Congrats, depending on the severity of you are now able to walk this
earth knowing that you understand. Understand what the depths of
emotion are. Understand how amazing a single clean day can be.
Wanting to propose a toast to your self-control, when you begin to
control the demons that have previously run your life.
There's an old saying that we cannot know the light without the
darkness. I believe that to the core of my being, so to all of you
that have made it through unscathed I say, "Sorry". For no one makes
it out without a couple scars, and if you think you have then I would
applaud your powers of rationalization and perception: to wit, you
just haven't been paying attention. I don't mean to propose heading
out to the nearest park dweller named Falco and scoring some junk, but
to clean the skeletons out of the closet you first have to see that
they are there.
So until you become enlightened, try to put an end to unfinished
business. There are two responses to a given situation, fight (deal
with it) or flight (stuff it deep in the psyche), and while the former
will leave you with some marks, the latter will most likely lead to a
crippling mid-life crisis, more than one phobia and a boat load of
therapy bills.
Stop running people, 'cause after awhile it becomes a habit, and the
only thing worse than running is not knowing what you are running
from.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Let them have it 'cause they need it
Drama. Without question, this one word has come to mean so much in the social realm, from that thing that so terribly affects young ladiy's and theatre majors to the poorly scripted action dramas that have saturated TV in the past few years. My interest here is no so much how it comes up or ways around it, but I am extremely interested at the function it serves, in both society and our psyche.
I'm beginning to think that drama is a necessarry part of the human condition. As I woke up this morning, I notived that something was differnt. Sure, part of it was the half pound of phlegm (oh the joys of being a quitter), but there was something else, something missing. As my eyes managed to focus, I looked around the room and saw the same sights I always did, wanted the same things (H20 & a shower)...
Actually, I didn't. There was something I woke up missing, and with it the normal panic left also. I'm not sure what this is a function of, though I know what it is about, and to be honest I was not sorry to see it go. What was it I let go you ask? A habit, a habit that has been going on for the last year and a half: a habit that has kept me awake at night and woke me up early in the morning, a thought process that has ruled my actions and dictated my desires, morbitity disguised as healthy thoughts. I'll leave out the details, but those who know me well, if you can't hammer down what it is then give me call, we need to seriously catch up.
So coming from this new, more spacious place I couln't help but think what function this particular habit served in my life (and by comparison the lives of others), and I unearthed some bitter truth. That being the fact that in our little psychoses we manage to lock up all of our insecurities and fears (we all have them, yes, even me). It is in these feelings that we hide our own impending senility, all the things that we are not yet claim to be. Thus my little habit was allowing me to ignore some lesser problems with my self and my place in it in order to carry on. Kinda like drinking some unicorn blood, survival over health: gets the job done, but not well.
Only then was I able to think of the drama of others. The next time someone spreads gossip, slanders another; the next time you think poorly of another person or pick up a 'dramtic habit' try to really take look at the man behind the curtain. Chances are that the problem lies with no one but yourself.
The necessity of drama then, comes with the quest for meaning. We all need something to make our day worth while, and what is worth while becomes no small bit more obscure by feelings and desires. This obscurity is where drama arises from. If we cannot find a satisfying reason to drive our day, then we will make one up. Being a less than clever race and due to the way our brain operates the next natural assumption is to blame the outside world. Typically the most convienent and available outlet. For example, during my illustrious college career I have been linked with many different people in various capacities, and when it comes to the ladies well, we had our interactions. The last couple years however, noticed something strange: I would be linked to people that I never even really conversated with, let alone thought about turning my sights on. Is this a complement? Not the way people bandied it about. So what was actually goin on? Scorned and embittered people spreading rumor because of some grudge that other folks had; perhaps it was a lack of other material to talk about perhaps I had a secret admirer, perhaps I had it coming. Whatever the case, those keeping the rumor mill a-spin got what they wanted, and so long as someone comes out feeling better about themselves I guess there wasn't much harm.
Sounds like a silly conclusion? No way! Let people have their drama. I say enjoy it. If you would really like to create self-fullfilling profesies in which you triumph over other people because you think you have what they don't, fine. If you would like to ignore the fact that the world contains in it an infinitity of possibilities in order to harp upon one thing that someone has done that doesn't go swimmingly with your own ontology, fine. If you would like to let what you say be the deciding factor in your life contra what you do and create, fine. If you would like to believe that you are better than your peers, fine. If you want your immediate addition to the world to be a negative one in which someone must lose in order for you to gain, I say fine.
But I'm out. I'm done with thinking about other people in my decisions. This is not to say I'm being selfish for a little while, but I see now that I have made some poor choices insofar as the people whose welfare I put above mine. For that is where my drama sprang from, so I gotta be the one to get off the coaster. Though I will say this: if you have a problem with other people, other genders, ethnicities, whatever, you've got more serious issues that you need to work out with yourself first.
But enough soapboxing. I think that drama as we defined it is an essential product of our current culture, something to help fill the void between what media tells us and how our lives are really run. It is a crude form of short term therapy, and besides it's what the cool kids do these days. It is a cheap conversation starter among other things, and the perfect way to feel superior even on a very bad day. You know who you are, so keep it up: and don't blame me when you wake up lonely at 50: you're doing good now, and that's all that matters.
I'm beginning to think that drama is a necessarry part of the human condition. As I woke up this morning, I notived that something was differnt. Sure, part of it was the half pound of phlegm (oh the joys of being a quitter), but there was something else, something missing. As my eyes managed to focus, I looked around the room and saw the same sights I always did, wanted the same things (H20 & a shower)...
Actually, I didn't. There was something I woke up missing, and with it the normal panic left also. I'm not sure what this is a function of, though I know what it is about, and to be honest I was not sorry to see it go. What was it I let go you ask? A habit, a habit that has been going on for the last year and a half: a habit that has kept me awake at night and woke me up early in the morning, a thought process that has ruled my actions and dictated my desires, morbitity disguised as healthy thoughts. I'll leave out the details, but those who know me well, if you can't hammer down what it is then give me call, we need to seriously catch up.
So coming from this new, more spacious place I couln't help but think what function this particular habit served in my life (and by comparison the lives of others), and I unearthed some bitter truth. That being the fact that in our little psychoses we manage to lock up all of our insecurities and fears (we all have them, yes, even me). It is in these feelings that we hide our own impending senility, all the things that we are not yet claim to be. Thus my little habit was allowing me to ignore some lesser problems with my self and my place in it in order to carry on. Kinda like drinking some unicorn blood, survival over health: gets the job done, but not well.
Only then was I able to think of the drama of others. The next time someone spreads gossip, slanders another; the next time you think poorly of another person or pick up a 'dramtic habit' try to really take look at the man behind the curtain. Chances are that the problem lies with no one but yourself.
The necessity of drama then, comes with the quest for meaning. We all need something to make our day worth while, and what is worth while becomes no small bit more obscure by feelings and desires. This obscurity is where drama arises from. If we cannot find a satisfying reason to drive our day, then we will make one up. Being a less than clever race and due to the way our brain operates the next natural assumption is to blame the outside world. Typically the most convienent and available outlet. For example, during my illustrious college career I have been linked with many different people in various capacities, and when it comes to the ladies well, we had our interactions. The last couple years however, noticed something strange: I would be linked to people that I never even really conversated with, let alone thought about turning my sights on. Is this a complement? Not the way people bandied it about. So what was actually goin on? Scorned and embittered people spreading rumor because of some grudge that other folks had; perhaps it was a lack of other material to talk about perhaps I had a secret admirer, perhaps I had it coming. Whatever the case, those keeping the rumor mill a-spin got what they wanted, and so long as someone comes out feeling better about themselves I guess there wasn't much harm.
Sounds like a silly conclusion? No way! Let people have their drama. I say enjoy it. If you would really like to create self-fullfilling profesies in which you triumph over other people because you think you have what they don't, fine. If you would like to ignore the fact that the world contains in it an infinitity of possibilities in order to harp upon one thing that someone has done that doesn't go swimmingly with your own ontology, fine. If you would like to let what you say be the deciding factor in your life contra what you do and create, fine. If you would like to believe that you are better than your peers, fine. If you want your immediate addition to the world to be a negative one in which someone must lose in order for you to gain, I say fine.
But I'm out. I'm done with thinking about other people in my decisions. This is not to say I'm being selfish for a little while, but I see now that I have made some poor choices insofar as the people whose welfare I put above mine. For that is where my drama sprang from, so I gotta be the one to get off the coaster. Though I will say this: if you have a problem with other people, other genders, ethnicities, whatever, you've got more serious issues that you need to work out with yourself first.
But enough soapboxing. I think that drama as we defined it is an essential product of our current culture, something to help fill the void between what media tells us and how our lives are really run. It is a crude form of short term therapy, and besides it's what the cool kids do these days. It is a cheap conversation starter among other things, and the perfect way to feel superior even on a very bad day. You know who you are, so keep it up: and don't blame me when you wake up lonely at 50: you're doing good now, and that's all that matters.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Ahhhhh...
Hello, my notorious philistine friends from around the world and the web! For all those that didn't look elsewhere for their blogging fix, I applaud you. For those that left, well I can only hope you come crawling back soon.
Enough about the past, though. I currently have brought myself to be concerned by things that we know to be true, and the things that we learn to know. I don't speak here of book knowledge, bravo to all the folks who love book learning. The type of learning I've been thinking about is more of a trait learning, especially learning those traits that we disbelieve.
I'll use an example to illustrate my point. The other day I was sitting with a firend of mine for tequila and a bite to eat (One without the other is just a shame, a shell and exemplar of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts) and we were discussing realtionships, especially attraction. I was asked a question about who we find attractive and what we can do about it, an without hesitating my response was "We choose who we are attractive to, end of story." This was actually pretty surprising to the both of us, especially my companion, who I'm sure was expecting quite a bit more; honestly I was expecting a bit more.
But that's what it was that's how it is and it summs it up perfectly. I haven't always thought that way. In fact, to be honest I railed against that idea for a very, very long time, but in the end I came around. Not because I wanted to mind you, but because I was forced to, in order to get on with life.
I'm assuming here that our natural inclinations are the primary factors in contentment. The things we did as children, the loves that we've found along the way be they australian rules football, long walks on the beach or a flaming marshmallow: those activities that leave us inspired immediately. Even some of the things we have learned to love, like beer, asparagus and public speaking, I would argue are natural inclinations that have been recently opened to us. I would also call this individual complete, for the things that they aren't engaged in just don't matter for awhile.
We are trained however, to hold more important things dear. I've called this domestication, and here I will call it just plain wrong. Wrong because I will fight anyone who says that an evening in good company is not more valuable than overtime at the office. Wrong because no one can tell me that seeing the foliage isn't superior to watching tv, wrong because in the end we are taught to think that there is fault in the world around us.
Who's idea was it to teach unhappiness? Where in the book of life do we get off being suspicious, or having to scrupulously examine every detail of our decisions until they are nothing more than a cost/benefit analysis? Why did I have to learn to look for features of people, rather than the time I have around them (I say this on behalf of all those who agree with me)?
These are the items I worry about, the beliefs we disbelieve. All of the items what we just can't put down, like worry, like oversimplification, like overcomplexity. All of the instances in which we are taught not to believe our own instincts, to learn the "right" way to think about things. Forget that I say. There are some very basic and known ways in which our minds go wrong, and all people should know and understand what they are. Other than that, our decisions should be guided only by our own notions of what is correct and not.
Rant over. Just be aware of what you are forced to hold by the beliefs that you have. For example, in my little tequila answer I realized that by not trusting my instincts in the matters of love and affection, even in something as trivial as a quick answer, I realized i was also forced to believe other things about myself and the world that I don't really espose either.
Which leaves just a quote: "When it somes to actions and others there is nothing more than meets the eye, but when it comes to ourselves it is everything but that."
Enough about the past, though. I currently have brought myself to be concerned by things that we know to be true, and the things that we learn to know. I don't speak here of book knowledge, bravo to all the folks who love book learning. The type of learning I've been thinking about is more of a trait learning, especially learning those traits that we disbelieve.
I'll use an example to illustrate my point. The other day I was sitting with a firend of mine for tequila and a bite to eat (One without the other is just a shame, a shell and exemplar of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts) and we were discussing realtionships, especially attraction. I was asked a question about who we find attractive and what we can do about it, an without hesitating my response was "We choose who we are attractive to, end of story." This was actually pretty surprising to the both of us, especially my companion, who I'm sure was expecting quite a bit more; honestly I was expecting a bit more.
But that's what it was that's how it is and it summs it up perfectly. I haven't always thought that way. In fact, to be honest I railed against that idea for a very, very long time, but in the end I came around. Not because I wanted to mind you, but because I was forced to, in order to get on with life.
I'm assuming here that our natural inclinations are the primary factors in contentment. The things we did as children, the loves that we've found along the way be they australian rules football, long walks on the beach or a flaming marshmallow: those activities that leave us inspired immediately. Even some of the things we have learned to love, like beer, asparagus and public speaking, I would argue are natural inclinations that have been recently opened to us. I would also call this individual complete, for the things that they aren't engaged in just don't matter for awhile.
We are trained however, to hold more important things dear. I've called this domestication, and here I will call it just plain wrong. Wrong because I will fight anyone who says that an evening in good company is not more valuable than overtime at the office. Wrong because no one can tell me that seeing the foliage isn't superior to watching tv, wrong because in the end we are taught to think that there is fault in the world around us.
Who's idea was it to teach unhappiness? Where in the book of life do we get off being suspicious, or having to scrupulously examine every detail of our decisions until they are nothing more than a cost/benefit analysis? Why did I have to learn to look for features of people, rather than the time I have around them (I say this on behalf of all those who agree with me)?
These are the items I worry about, the beliefs we disbelieve. All of the items what we just can't put down, like worry, like oversimplification, like overcomplexity. All of the instances in which we are taught not to believe our own instincts, to learn the "right" way to think about things. Forget that I say. There are some very basic and known ways in which our minds go wrong, and all people should know and understand what they are. Other than that, our decisions should be guided only by our own notions of what is correct and not.
Rant over. Just be aware of what you are forced to hold by the beliefs that you have. For example, in my little tequila answer I realized that by not trusting my instincts in the matters of love and affection, even in something as trivial as a quick answer, I realized i was also forced to believe other things about myself and the world that I don't really espose either.
Which leaves just a quote: "When it somes to actions and others there is nothing more than meets the eye, but when it comes to ourselves it is everything but that."
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Delays are the life
Sorry friends, comtemporaries, and all those who spend a cyber minute to read my little brain droppings every now and again. Hello there. The time delay is inevitable it seems. I happen to be one of those folks who, like clockwork, will get into a pretty good funk for a week or so as the season turns from fall to bitter, bitter winter.
So this is a quick hello just to say that life sucks when we are forced to decide between doing what we want and what we "want" to do if we are not able to do both, (good questions that fall under this idea generally involve "how much is your soul worth?"). Mine is worth plently, so I've needed to really settle down in order to realign the two. I should be posting a nice, shiny new post tomorrow, so this is one for us and the insomniacs.
Tonight's line of though will involve my comps topic, The Non-conceptual Content of Experience. The discussion will begin based on the notion that to prevent the pernicious idea that the world might be completely made up we are forced to say that some part of our experience must come from outside ourselves, from the world out there. Trouble is, we do not perceive a rock in our conciousness, we perceive the mental image of a rock, a representation. Now we would like to say that the world just kinda gives us the required non-conceptual (hereafter concrete) content, but what about cases of dream, hallucination, general misperception (think optical illusions) and so on? Are we claiming that the world is giving us nothing? Or that the world is giving us the wrong thing? Since in both right perception and misperception we are still perceiving in a manner of speaking, in the first case of the world and in the second something else (nothing? another world? Something false?) we need to figure out first what is going on when we are actually having an experience of the outside world, and secondly we need to figure out what the 'structure' of non conceptual content is and how it fits in a philosophy of perception.
Said otherwise. If the world is real, it has to give us stuff that is indubitable: the world out there. We cannot trust what we perceive sometimes, so what is different about real experience? In real experience then, what is the world gives us, if anything, that we can use as both an indispensable part of experience and a reliable indiciator that the world we live in and act in at least has some of the features we portend it to have.
Sleepy sleepy now. If I didn't intreque you at all with that, read this poet: Wistawa Szymborska. Trust me, she's the only nobel prize winner I can ever love. Eat your beets, get some exercise, make a snow fort and declare war on the house next door, even if it's bigger than you. People have done more with less.
So this is a quick hello just to say that life sucks when we are forced to decide between doing what we want and what we "want" to do if we are not able to do both, (good questions that fall under this idea generally involve "how much is your soul worth?"). Mine is worth plently, so I've needed to really settle down in order to realign the two. I should be posting a nice, shiny new post tomorrow, so this is one for us and the insomniacs.
Tonight's line of though will involve my comps topic, The Non-conceptual Content of Experience. The discussion will begin based on the notion that to prevent the pernicious idea that the world might be completely made up we are forced to say that some part of our experience must come from outside ourselves, from the world out there. Trouble is, we do not perceive a rock in our conciousness, we perceive the mental image of a rock, a representation. Now we would like to say that the world just kinda gives us the required non-conceptual (hereafter concrete) content, but what about cases of dream, hallucination, general misperception (think optical illusions) and so on? Are we claiming that the world is giving us nothing? Or that the world is giving us the wrong thing? Since in both right perception and misperception we are still perceiving in a manner of speaking, in the first case of the world and in the second something else (nothing? another world? Something false?) we need to figure out first what is going on when we are actually having an experience of the outside world, and secondly we need to figure out what the 'structure' of non conceptual content is and how it fits in a philosophy of perception.
Said otherwise. If the world is real, it has to give us stuff that is indubitable: the world out there. We cannot trust what we perceive sometimes, so what is different about real experience? In real experience then, what is the world gives us, if anything, that we can use as both an indispensable part of experience and a reliable indiciator that the world we live in and act in at least has some of the features we portend it to have.
Sleepy sleepy now. If I didn't intreque you at all with that, read this poet: Wistawa Szymborska. Trust me, she's the only nobel prize winner I can ever love. Eat your beets, get some exercise, make a snow fort and declare war on the house next door, even if it's bigger than you. People have done more with less.
Friday, November 18, 2005
With renewed verve, I strike out on the path...
In the last few posts, and in the last few weeks, the need for making things explicit has taken over my world. Not in the creepy way that most people allow things to take over their lives, but I have realized a growing need in this era of spin and ambiguity. That need, my friends is the system of philosophy.
The field of philosophy, although laying claim to being the alpha of rational thought, is still one of the most poorly understood disclipines in academia. Even philosophers suffer from the problem of definition, as one man's philosophy is another man's opinion. One thing remains certain as we take a philosophical eye towards the world, and that is that there are in fact ways of reasoning and argument which are superior to others. Whether from Mars or Venus, there is a way in which we might all agree on what a valid option is and one that is not; a difference between conjecture and idea, in the sense that I really hope to be able to use it.
The fact is, the philosophical method is one that when done right, seems to come to an end of indubitability. It is through this method that the modern sciences arose, as well as the social sciences: even today, such fields as cognitive psychology rely heavily on philosophy, if for no other reason than the lack of empirical science to explain the problems being raised.This mehod seems to be in in decline, if the opinions and ideas that I see on the news, read in my favorite magazines are taken to be some sort of truth telling mechanism.
For in no small way it is the business of philosophy to make progress towards truth, towards clearing up false or unsound ideas and turning them into the fodder for intelectuals and reasonable layfolk alike. While philosophy is a difficult discipline, it is not impossible, especially when one pauses to consider the rewards to be found from the study of argument and clarification. Think for a second of a conversation in which double entendres are kept to minimum, when the words "and thus..." are backed not by opinion but by the finest tools that the human mind has to offer. To be honest we may never find perfect reason (a claim that holds more and more weight by the day) and thus we will never be able to address 'truth' in the way that most sentients wish too (we aren't computers, what is right and wrong is not intrinsically programmed into us and thus we are left with "true for now" and "as close as we can get to...", contestable I know, but we will fight about this sometime in December) but what is possible is the addition of complete thought to conversation. Think of how brilliant it would be to be able to say what you mean, rather than what you hope comes across.
So as a goal to refocus my mental efforts, in the coming weeks and months I hope and intend to spread the glory of philosophy and the philosophical method and turn it into a way of thought that all people can embrace. For philosophy is ideally not suited merely for old white men sitting their ivory tower, or abstractly minded intelligent people who can't put down the pipe: it is a way of thought that operates with cold-blooded efficiency. With philosophical tools we can cut larger swaths from troubling hidden implications to fallacies of reason that are engrained in us from a young age in almost all of our verbal interactions in an attempt to see that truth often cannot take a purely black and white form; for even the strongest of theories will have to defend against reasonable obections.
So look forward to no small change in format. Although these musings will be the same stream of conciousness postings as always, their focus will shift to the study of thought, and the ways that we might improve it - to take one of our most unconcious social activites and turn it into something that we might all be proud to participate in. There will of course be contradictions and grammatical mistakes and misinterpretations: in these cases I truly wish for comment and input: one mind isn't bad, but there could be no heartfelt acknowledgements if there weren't other brilliant minds to keep one slightly clever one from overstepping his (or her) bounds. If these little musings turn out to be fruitful, they might one day (sonner rather than later) be refined into something that will find binding and the printed page, so I must call intellectual property on these new ideas, if there are any, and note that ideas that are not mine will be properly accredited to the person or persons whose property they are. For one of the worst crimes one can intellectually commit is the sin of plagerism. While this seems like a mountain out of molehill, I must say that in the vein of responsibility, take credit for what you think and nothing more: we have enough to worry about people stealing that we should be able to at least keep our brain droppings in our own yard. This is in no way to say that these ideas should not be bandied about in conversation, in fact please do: let's raise the discussion level to collegate. If you see somone who you wish to impress at some drinking establishment or another, please do: if I can play wingman from a distance, you have my full support. But there is an arrogance that comes with the American life, and we all suffer from it to varying degrees, so let your plumage ruffling moments be yours and yours alone, through both glory and the gauntlet.
So here we go. While there will still be interjections which will remove us from this purpose, we will always return. Think of these digressions du jour as an opportunity to take a break from the world of the abstract and theoretical and take a moment or two in a similar yet slightly different genere: hey, cross training isn't just for the body. To all you philosophobes, I hope to be of some therapy. To the curious of mind: I hope I can give new fodder to you thought, and to all those who have no clue; it was Mustard in the Study with the Lead Pipe. I would like to thank in advance all those people who have inspired me in their own way just to sit down and waste a my life at a keyboard hoping to help someone else, at least one, yea? If there is one word of advice that I could give the world (hey I could hit by a bus tomorrow) it would be this: Life is like a horizontal escalator, if you stop moving you will start moving backwards, so do something that is challenging everyday; keep making some steps along the journey. I think that you will find that even when you could not see the progress, you will get the point in the long run. No thing is profoundly important in itself, yet any thing is potentailly crucially significant, so keep the gears turning. Hurrah!
The field of philosophy, although laying claim to being the alpha of rational thought, is still one of the most poorly understood disclipines in academia. Even philosophers suffer from the problem of definition, as one man's philosophy is another man's opinion. One thing remains certain as we take a philosophical eye towards the world, and that is that there are in fact ways of reasoning and argument which are superior to others. Whether from Mars or Venus, there is a way in which we might all agree on what a valid option is and one that is not; a difference between conjecture and idea, in the sense that I really hope to be able to use it.
The fact is, the philosophical method is one that when done right, seems to come to an end of indubitability. It is through this method that the modern sciences arose, as well as the social sciences: even today, such fields as cognitive psychology rely heavily on philosophy, if for no other reason than the lack of empirical science to explain the problems being raised.This mehod seems to be in in decline, if the opinions and ideas that I see on the news, read in my favorite magazines are taken to be some sort of truth telling mechanism.
For in no small way it is the business of philosophy to make progress towards truth, towards clearing up false or unsound ideas and turning them into the fodder for intelectuals and reasonable layfolk alike. While philosophy is a difficult discipline, it is not impossible, especially when one pauses to consider the rewards to be found from the study of argument and clarification. Think for a second of a conversation in which double entendres are kept to minimum, when the words "and thus..." are backed not by opinion but by the finest tools that the human mind has to offer. To be honest we may never find perfect reason (a claim that holds more and more weight by the day) and thus we will never be able to address 'truth' in the way that most sentients wish too (we aren't computers, what is right and wrong is not intrinsically programmed into us and thus we are left with "true for now" and "as close as we can get to...", contestable I know, but we will fight about this sometime in December) but what is possible is the addition of complete thought to conversation. Think of how brilliant it would be to be able to say what you mean, rather than what you hope comes across.
So as a goal to refocus my mental efforts, in the coming weeks and months I hope and intend to spread the glory of philosophy and the philosophical method and turn it into a way of thought that all people can embrace. For philosophy is ideally not suited merely for old white men sitting their ivory tower, or abstractly minded intelligent people who can't put down the pipe: it is a way of thought that operates with cold-blooded efficiency. With philosophical tools we can cut larger swaths from troubling hidden implications to fallacies of reason that are engrained in us from a young age in almost all of our verbal interactions in an attempt to see that truth often cannot take a purely black and white form; for even the strongest of theories will have to defend against reasonable obections.
So look forward to no small change in format. Although these musings will be the same stream of conciousness postings as always, their focus will shift to the study of thought, and the ways that we might improve it - to take one of our most unconcious social activites and turn it into something that we might all be proud to participate in. There will of course be contradictions and grammatical mistakes and misinterpretations: in these cases I truly wish for comment and input: one mind isn't bad, but there could be no heartfelt acknowledgements if there weren't other brilliant minds to keep one slightly clever one from overstepping his (or her) bounds. If these little musings turn out to be fruitful, they might one day (sonner rather than later) be refined into something that will find binding and the printed page, so I must call intellectual property on these new ideas, if there are any, and note that ideas that are not mine will be properly accredited to the person or persons whose property they are. For one of the worst crimes one can intellectually commit is the sin of plagerism. While this seems like a mountain out of molehill, I must say that in the vein of responsibility, take credit for what you think and nothing more: we have enough to worry about people stealing that we should be able to at least keep our brain droppings in our own yard. This is in no way to say that these ideas should not be bandied about in conversation, in fact please do: let's raise the discussion level to collegate. If you see somone who you wish to impress at some drinking establishment or another, please do: if I can play wingman from a distance, you have my full support. But there is an arrogance that comes with the American life, and we all suffer from it to varying degrees, so let your plumage ruffling moments be yours and yours alone, through both glory and the gauntlet.
So here we go. While there will still be interjections which will remove us from this purpose, we will always return. Think of these digressions du jour as an opportunity to take a break from the world of the abstract and theoretical and take a moment or two in a similar yet slightly different genere: hey, cross training isn't just for the body. To all you philosophobes, I hope to be of some therapy. To the curious of mind: I hope I can give new fodder to you thought, and to all those who have no clue; it was Mustard in the Study with the Lead Pipe. I would like to thank in advance all those people who have inspired me in their own way just to sit down and waste a my life at a keyboard hoping to help someone else, at least one, yea? If there is one word of advice that I could give the world (hey I could hit by a bus tomorrow) it would be this: Life is like a horizontal escalator, if you stop moving you will start moving backwards, so do something that is challenging everyday; keep making some steps along the journey. I think that you will find that even when you could not see the progress, you will get the point in the long run. No thing is profoundly important in itself, yet any thing is potentailly crucially significant, so keep the gears turning. Hurrah!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Just a quick one...
The foray in academia is weird. At ever turn and connection of idea, we are threated by other seemingly more interesting ideas, fallacies and naysayers. Now the most important thing when attempting to hash out the questions that appeal to us, as I see it, is to always remeber the origional question asked. I wonder how much more interested and interesting we would be as a people if we stopped jumping from notion to notion and decided that we would rather take to its omega point any idea that we chose to actaully begrudge. Sort of a put up or shut up of ideas.
For the lifestyle that we lead does not allow for this type of endeavour. I would imagine that very few people perform the mental equivalent of stopping and smelling the roses, unless their fuel and inspriation were buds of beer and stems of salted pretzel sticks. I want to give a new notion of philosophy, one that I hope would appeal to any person who looks beneath the surface, and that is the idea of philosophy as a complete thought.
Now a complete thought does not take the form of "All x are y" or "If y then z", yet that seems to be the social minimum for a thought. Instead, like a good philosophical argument, we should endeavour to give, in any of our thoughts, the following: our assumptions (those things that we are holding as true, or at least indubitable for our purposes), our logical framework (these are the rules by which we manipulate our assumptions to create more assumtions, in a way tha would hold up to other points of view; thus it does not make sense to think "If I take a day off, then my manager will think less of me," only make moves with your assumtions which create more conclusions that sit on the same solid ground as your original assumptions), and then our conclusion(s) which will further follow from the prior two items, and will stand to all atacks except for "it's my opinion," or "just because."
While this is not a strict formula for a philosophical argument, what I hope it does is force you, my good readers, to actually think about the words coming out of your mouths and the ideas that run through your minds. It is in the ambiguity of words and ideas that our thought can become like a computer virus, spreading evil as a partciular dogma gathers force based not on rational opinion, but on emotional weight alone. Just think the next time you call someone worthless, or say you hate Dubya, or think that someone else is ruining their lives, really ponder the what and why and how of the idea, make sure it stands up to argument.
And when you can say that you have only ideas that stand up to all the views and all of the arguments that you can fathom, then you can fully appreciate what has been running around my head all day, a quote by my man Frederick Douglass, freed slave and one of the coolest dudes to rock the early United States: "The man who right is the majority. He who has God and conscience on his side, has a majority against the universe. If he does not represent the present state, he represents the future state. If he does not represent what we are, he represents what we ought to be." Enjoy.
For the lifestyle that we lead does not allow for this type of endeavour. I would imagine that very few people perform the mental equivalent of stopping and smelling the roses, unless their fuel and inspriation were buds of beer and stems of salted pretzel sticks. I want to give a new notion of philosophy, one that I hope would appeal to any person who looks beneath the surface, and that is the idea of philosophy as a complete thought.
Now a complete thought does not take the form of "All x are y" or "If y then z", yet that seems to be the social minimum for a thought. Instead, like a good philosophical argument, we should endeavour to give, in any of our thoughts, the following: our assumptions (those things that we are holding as true, or at least indubitable for our purposes), our logical framework (these are the rules by which we manipulate our assumptions to create more assumtions, in a way tha would hold up to other points of view; thus it does not make sense to think "If I take a day off, then my manager will think less of me," only make moves with your assumtions which create more conclusions that sit on the same solid ground as your original assumptions), and then our conclusion(s) which will further follow from the prior two items, and will stand to all atacks except for "it's my opinion," or "just because."
While this is not a strict formula for a philosophical argument, what I hope it does is force you, my good readers, to actually think about the words coming out of your mouths and the ideas that run through your minds. It is in the ambiguity of words and ideas that our thought can become like a computer virus, spreading evil as a partciular dogma gathers force based not on rational opinion, but on emotional weight alone. Just think the next time you call someone worthless, or say you hate Dubya, or think that someone else is ruining their lives, really ponder the what and why and how of the idea, make sure it stands up to argument.
And when you can say that you have only ideas that stand up to all the views and all of the arguments that you can fathom, then you can fully appreciate what has been running around my head all day, a quote by my man Frederick Douglass, freed slave and one of the coolest dudes to rock the early United States: "The man who right is the majority. He who has God and conscience on his side, has a majority against the universe. If he does not represent the present state, he represents the future state. If he does not represent what we are, he represents what we ought to be." Enjoy.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Hold on Doc, I think I see something that makes no sense...
So I must apologize for the shameless delinquincy in getting back into the bloggersphere: my dissatisfaction with being a poor philosophy major hit a creshendo the other day and I have fervently been working to get some full time employ that will allow the IJB to take on the world on his own terms. I'll keep those who care abreast, but it must detract from the major point of today, and that is the stiffling of imagination. More to the point, I have begun to see that the level of imagination in those over the age of 15 drop to below zero. I say below zero for it seems that any hint of a possible idea that is not totally grounded in reality is quickly squelched by such following ideas of the vein 'grow up and get a job (or girlfriend, or grasp on reality).
Now this is a truly terrible thing to have happen, and I think that I began to stumble upon the reason the other day as I watched my little autistic friends at the pool (they happen to be there when I get to the YWCA, like clockwork) just imagine their time away. The water wasn't jsut water, and the noodles not just noodles. I'm not sure in exactly what order, but their world became successively a train track, outer space etc. Now I have observed this phenomenon in other youngsters, and I by youngster I mean anyone up to 18; basically anyone who is not totally obsessed with seeing what is actually going on. Thus, I have met some kids who are little adults, completely devoid of imaginative undertakings, and big adults who seem to think that the way to enlightenment is through a haze of bong smoke existentialism and the hope that one day they may just find a suitcase full of $$ instead of the bedsore they have been working on for the past week. But what is the common thread as I have seen it is that with the rise and cutivation of our rational faculties comes also a stiff decline in imagination, and as I would further, happiness.
So what does this all mean? It means stop worrying so much about what is actually going on and take a minute to imagine. No, not think about it, just imagine. Imagine yourself anywhere: the beach, in space (minus the instant death), in the bed of your favorite trashy celebrity I don't care. Unless you are of a special mind, I imagine you are having no small amount of trouble conjuring a "real" world behind closed eyes. Now I don't know about you, but as a child I remember conjuring a world proper, and while I could see the tree over there, it was more than a tree: it actually was an outpost, or the enemy (basically, Don Quixote, eat your heart out.) There was just enough trappings of reality to let us hear mom yelling for dinner, but the general idea was that when we as children wanted to, we could go to a dreamlike state, and stay there as long as we wanted.
Think about now. The trips of imagination that we go on are mere shadows of those alternate worlds that we used to hold so dear (I mean, there was spell when I couldn't fall asleep unless I went some type of adventure). In their place are shreds of a dream, and always with a point to something that would be nice: a promotion, a particular member of the opposite sex, a big screen television and so on.
Now what kind of sorry cop out is that? We do need that kind of imagination: it is what provides us with goals and the motivation to achieve those goals. "I have a dream" for example. This is just how positive worldly progress is achieved. But what we need also is some amount of time spent in fancy, just playing in a world that cannot in any way be real.
Why? Well, because time spent in the surreal is time spent mulling over real life. Let me explain. I believe that there are more processes going on in our brain at any one time than we can even fathom: most important of which is the part of the brain which decerns patterns and conclusions, of norms and implication. Now I think that this is a process which happends subconciously. For example, how many of you folks have really decided to try something out and fail miserably, only to have the change in lifestyle happen almost naturally a month later? This is because you stopped thinking about it long enough for your subconcious to figure out what is actually going on, v. what we think is going on (see earlier posts). Time spent in imagination goes even further: by completely removing reality as we know it, we give ourselves a chance to really process a holistic perspective. When the concious mind is occupied with flying the WWII figter jet against the fleet of Amazon females the unconcious mind is working on processing the bombardment of imformation that we are inundated with every day.
The function of this is actually very similar to it's polar opposite yet bedfellow: meditiation. In a meditative state, a mantra is used or the mind is totally cleared of all thought. The purpose of this is the same, to allow the mind to stop and think about what it has been doing. The fun part about imagination is that the focus is in no way doctrinal and even better has absolutely no rules. In facts the only rules that apply are the same as those that govern lucid dreaming, I would like to think.
Now how 'bout drug induced imagination sessions? How bout 'em! Those who know me know the penchant for expanding the world as we know it, but I would have to say that the time of imagination that I speak of has nothing to do with drugs. For in drug use, we are still perceiving the world, just through a colored lens that allows us to make our conclusions based upon this slanted view which spill over into the real world. Which is great when you are tripping with a buddy, not so smooth when you are trying to convince a perspective employer. In fact, the best and worst thing about drug use is its ability to change waking perception (and semi concious perception, for those with the tendencies). This does not amount to the break from reality that I speak of, but it does amount to creating a new world, one in which we attempt to operate according to the rules that we create when we are lifted by our substance (and when reality cannot match up to this drugged ontology, well the only answer is more drugs right? Well depends upon where you are in life. Drugs have brought me to both great and terrible places, so I would say use the discresion that drugs were origionally brough about for. Much of drug use up until the mid 1900's was mostly ceremonial, and should still be today. Thus the time to try that pill of X, if you are ever going to, is at a DJ or some such like where the drug you take will enhance your experience, and nothing more. This means that I truly believe that any hard drug done sitting in your living room or the like is disturbingly escapist, but I'll leave that one for another day).
So, after that nasty digression, I return to the point at hand. The pace of our lives has become dangerously fast: we are all called upon to constantly be think about what is going on, when I fact what we are doing is driving ourselves ever close to a nervous breakdown. Let your flawed rationality rest for a minute and take a serious vacation to the imagination of your youth. This will be tough at first, for I think that we are trained to forget how to imagine/truly daydream, but with time we can get that back. I would argue that the happiness felt from coming back to reality with a "I just slayed the mighty dragon" less attached and thus less conditional and more fullfilling than "I saw myself with money, and a good job and someone who cares, and a paper that I wrote without the help of an all-night, and the absence of this driving pain and without work to go to tomorrow and a clear schedule and..."
See the difference? The former are unabashed and silly joy. We do not feel crushed, unhappy or otherwise when we don't actually slay the dragon as we walk to our car, but we do lose a little something when we don't get that job, that good grade, that whatever. So throw a little fantasy back into your life (only when and where appropriate: don't fly to Mars on the interstate, and if you do I take no responsibility), and let me know if the time spent not perceiving anything that is not of your own wonderful creation does not affect for the better the time hopefully spent taking everthing in, like a f%*&#$ lightening rod (guess the movie win a prize). Seriously, I truly believe that taking a flight of unadulterated, unrestrained fancy every now and again doesn't make your return to and subsequent moments in reality more productive, appealing and much less overwhelming. Carry on good people, I hope to talk to you all soon.
Now this is a truly terrible thing to have happen, and I think that I began to stumble upon the reason the other day as I watched my little autistic friends at the pool (they happen to be there when I get to the YWCA, like clockwork) just imagine their time away. The water wasn't jsut water, and the noodles not just noodles. I'm not sure in exactly what order, but their world became successively a train track, outer space etc. Now I have observed this phenomenon in other youngsters, and I by youngster I mean anyone up to 18; basically anyone who is not totally obsessed with seeing what is actually going on. Thus, I have met some kids who are little adults, completely devoid of imaginative undertakings, and big adults who seem to think that the way to enlightenment is through a haze of bong smoke existentialism and the hope that one day they may just find a suitcase full of $$ instead of the bedsore they have been working on for the past week. But what is the common thread as I have seen it is that with the rise and cutivation of our rational faculties comes also a stiff decline in imagination, and as I would further, happiness.
So what does this all mean? It means stop worrying so much about what is actually going on and take a minute to imagine. No, not think about it, just imagine. Imagine yourself anywhere: the beach, in space (minus the instant death), in the bed of your favorite trashy celebrity I don't care. Unless you are of a special mind, I imagine you are having no small amount of trouble conjuring a "real" world behind closed eyes. Now I don't know about you, but as a child I remember conjuring a world proper, and while I could see the tree over there, it was more than a tree: it actually was an outpost, or the enemy (basically, Don Quixote, eat your heart out.) There was just enough trappings of reality to let us hear mom yelling for dinner, but the general idea was that when we as children wanted to, we could go to a dreamlike state, and stay there as long as we wanted.
Think about now. The trips of imagination that we go on are mere shadows of those alternate worlds that we used to hold so dear (I mean, there was spell when I couldn't fall asleep unless I went some type of adventure). In their place are shreds of a dream, and always with a point to something that would be nice: a promotion, a particular member of the opposite sex, a big screen television and so on.
Now what kind of sorry cop out is that? We do need that kind of imagination: it is what provides us with goals and the motivation to achieve those goals. "I have a dream" for example. This is just how positive worldly progress is achieved. But what we need also is some amount of time spent in fancy, just playing in a world that cannot in any way be real.
Why? Well, because time spent in the surreal is time spent mulling over real life. Let me explain. I believe that there are more processes going on in our brain at any one time than we can even fathom: most important of which is the part of the brain which decerns patterns and conclusions, of norms and implication. Now I think that this is a process which happends subconciously. For example, how many of you folks have really decided to try something out and fail miserably, only to have the change in lifestyle happen almost naturally a month later? This is because you stopped thinking about it long enough for your subconcious to figure out what is actually going on, v. what we think is going on (see earlier posts). Time spent in imagination goes even further: by completely removing reality as we know it, we give ourselves a chance to really process a holistic perspective. When the concious mind is occupied with flying the WWII figter jet against the fleet of Amazon females the unconcious mind is working on processing the bombardment of imformation that we are inundated with every day.
The function of this is actually very similar to it's polar opposite yet bedfellow: meditiation. In a meditative state, a mantra is used or the mind is totally cleared of all thought. The purpose of this is the same, to allow the mind to stop and think about what it has been doing. The fun part about imagination is that the focus is in no way doctrinal and even better has absolutely no rules. In facts the only rules that apply are the same as those that govern lucid dreaming, I would like to think.
Now how 'bout drug induced imagination sessions? How bout 'em! Those who know me know the penchant for expanding the world as we know it, but I would have to say that the time of imagination that I speak of has nothing to do with drugs. For in drug use, we are still perceiving the world, just through a colored lens that allows us to make our conclusions based upon this slanted view which spill over into the real world. Which is great when you are tripping with a buddy, not so smooth when you are trying to convince a perspective employer. In fact, the best and worst thing about drug use is its ability to change waking perception (and semi concious perception, for those with the tendencies). This does not amount to the break from reality that I speak of, but it does amount to creating a new world, one in which we attempt to operate according to the rules that we create when we are lifted by our substance (and when reality cannot match up to this drugged ontology, well the only answer is more drugs right? Well depends upon where you are in life. Drugs have brought me to both great and terrible places, so I would say use the discresion that drugs were origionally brough about for. Much of drug use up until the mid 1900's was mostly ceremonial, and should still be today. Thus the time to try that pill of X, if you are ever going to, is at a DJ or some such like where the drug you take will enhance your experience, and nothing more. This means that I truly believe that any hard drug done sitting in your living room or the like is disturbingly escapist, but I'll leave that one for another day).
So, after that nasty digression, I return to the point at hand. The pace of our lives has become dangerously fast: we are all called upon to constantly be think about what is going on, when I fact what we are doing is driving ourselves ever close to a nervous breakdown. Let your flawed rationality rest for a minute and take a serious vacation to the imagination of your youth. This will be tough at first, for I think that we are trained to forget how to imagine/truly daydream, but with time we can get that back. I would argue that the happiness felt from coming back to reality with a "I just slayed the mighty dragon" less attached and thus less conditional and more fullfilling than "I saw myself with money, and a good job and someone who cares, and a paper that I wrote without the help of an all-night, and the absence of this driving pain and without work to go to tomorrow and a clear schedule and..."
See the difference? The former are unabashed and silly joy. We do not feel crushed, unhappy or otherwise when we don't actually slay the dragon as we walk to our car, but we do lose a little something when we don't get that job, that good grade, that whatever. So throw a little fantasy back into your life (only when and where appropriate: don't fly to Mars on the interstate, and if you do I take no responsibility), and let me know if the time spent not perceiving anything that is not of your own wonderful creation does not affect for the better the time hopefully spent taking everthing in, like a f%*&#$ lightening rod (guess the movie win a prize). Seriously, I truly believe that taking a flight of unadulterated, unrestrained fancy every now and again doesn't make your return to and subsequent moments in reality more productive, appealing and much less overwhelming. Carry on good people, I hope to talk to you all soon.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Suffering and Philosophy...What?
So I know that the last couple of posts have been of an almost spiritual nature, and if that actually is the case, my apologies. What has become very interesting to me as of late would probably be called philosophy of suffering, if you will. Now there is a grey area here, for there really is not a philosophy of pain, although I believe that it is a topic of primary importance, especially when we consider that with all of the technological advances we have created in the past 100 years with the sole purpose of increasing leisure and efficiencieny. This rise of technology seems to be couterproductive however.
I was surfing the JAMA website and stumbled across this little beauty of an abstract: Several recent, large epidemiologic and family studies suggest important temporal changes in the rates of major depression: an increase in the rates in the cohorts born after World War II; a decrease in the age of onset with an increase in the late teenaged and early adult years; an increase between 1960 and 1975 in the rates of depression for all ages; a persistent gender effect, with the risk of depression consistently two to three times higher among women than men across all adult ages; a persistent family effect, with the risk about two to three times higher in first-degree relatives as compared with controls; and the suggestion of a narrowing of the differential risk to men and women due to a greater increase in risk of depression among young men (http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/261/15/2229).
What the f&*$%? So in an era of purported freedom and prosperity what we have instead is an era where people are more depressed? This is why we need a philosophy of suffering: I believe that the time has come to clarify the nature of suffering? Is it perhaps essential, a component of the human psyche which provides a check on unfettered joy? Might this be a sign of the hidden implications in a leisure era? What is suffering defined, and is there a way to escape it?
This is not an issue that I will even attempt to settle in this post. This is a very interesting topic, and actually I intend to write an academic paper on it soon. But what I will do is attempt to give some insight into the philosophical process so that folks might one day stop thinking that what I know & love is mere wordplay, or opinion, or not relevant (Sorry for that misleading intro, I realized that the blog post needed to hash out the questions I raised would take far too long and be far too dry to read today and here).
First we need a focus. Now suffering has many facets, and there are more potentially relevant topics than one might think. We might attempt to define what suffering is: that is, under what particular circumstances is one said to rightly suffering? This leads to other questions such as the depression/suffering disctinction, the agony/suffering distinction, discomfort/suffering: essentialy this is the facet of philosophy that deals with concept clarification. People bandy about the word suffering, but when does one cross the line of say, dolor and is to said to suffer. Might none of those words capture what it is to suffer? Or are all of the aforementioned words necessarry to figure out what suffering means?
Another related topic. We might try to say what is necessarry and sufficient for one said to be grieving. Now the necessary/sufficient distinction is one that has book written about it, so I will try to do in a couple sentences what authors do in 400 pages. Given two statements something is necessary when the second statement cannot be true while the first is false. So I have a guinea pig is a necessarry condition of the further statement My guinea pig is sick. A condition is sufficient when the first claim cannot be true while the second is false, for example The levees broke when Hurricane Katrina came through is a sufficient condition for New Orleans is under water.
Macabre example aside, I could understand if there is still confusion, and never be afraid to ask: it took me 4 years to have clue, I'm not sure that a paragraph will all that enlightening. But back to the program.
Another option might be to conclude that suffering is an essential component of life and attempt to determine what place a proper amount of suffering has in the day to day life of humans. Thus, are those that do not suffer lacking an essential component of humanity? Would suffering be essential as the yang to joys ying so that we do not grow complacent? Or, as the Buddhists and many other sprititualities claim is suffering nothing more than a pox on humanity, a pernicious agent of perhaps society which is used as a control? And so on.
Another way to look at what is going on is to ask about the origins of suffering? If you are Catholic than you say that Eve ate the apple and gave it Adam. Those with a slightly more curious nature might peg it to the rise of rationality. For example, back when we were simian, would we claim that we suffered? Was it only when we became rational and began having self awareness. Is suffering today the same as suffering 1000 years ago, or mightthe rise of technology put a new aspect to suffering that our ancestors could have never dreamed?
I could go on like this for awhile, but I will spare you pages of questions. Suffice to say that I hope that I could give a little overview of what a philosophical problem is and is not, but if you have been zoning out, a recap. A quick and dirty definition of a philosophical problem is one which involves questions of meaning, truth and logical connections of fundamental ideas that resist solution by the empirical sciences. Although this little expansion glosses over much of what is going on (essentaily, there is alway smore to learn in philosophy), but a philosophical problem would not be that suffering exists (look at anyone crying, unless they are a good actor), or what parts of the brain light up during suffering (leave that to the psychologists) or whether or not any given agent or group is suffering (it depends on sociological factors). I hope that I shed a little bit of light on the method and purpose of philosophy with regards to suffering, and feel free as always to post questions comments and concerns, for when dealing with philosophy and philosophers, intial confusion leads to fundamental misunderstanding to outright chaos very quickly, which would lead to unnecessary suffering, and no one wants that right?
I was surfing the JAMA website and stumbled across this little beauty of an abstract: Several recent, large epidemiologic and family studies suggest important temporal changes in the rates of major depression: an increase in the rates in the cohorts born after World War II; a decrease in the age of onset with an increase in the late teenaged and early adult years; an increase between 1960 and 1975 in the rates of depression for all ages; a persistent gender effect, with the risk of depression consistently two to three times higher among women than men across all adult ages; a persistent family effect, with the risk about two to three times higher in first-degree relatives as compared with controls; and the suggestion of a narrowing of the differential risk to men and women due to a greater increase in risk of depression among young men (http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/261/15/2229).
What the f&*$%? So in an era of purported freedom and prosperity what we have instead is an era where people are more depressed? This is why we need a philosophy of suffering: I believe that the time has come to clarify the nature of suffering? Is it perhaps essential, a component of the human psyche which provides a check on unfettered joy? Might this be a sign of the hidden implications in a leisure era? What is suffering defined, and is there a way to escape it?
This is not an issue that I will even attempt to settle in this post. This is a very interesting topic, and actually I intend to write an academic paper on it soon. But what I will do is attempt to give some insight into the philosophical process so that folks might one day stop thinking that what I know & love is mere wordplay, or opinion, or not relevant (Sorry for that misleading intro, I realized that the blog post needed to hash out the questions I raised would take far too long and be far too dry to read today and here).
First we need a focus. Now suffering has many facets, and there are more potentially relevant topics than one might think. We might attempt to define what suffering is: that is, under what particular circumstances is one said to rightly suffering? This leads to other questions such as the depression/suffering disctinction, the agony/suffering distinction, discomfort/suffering: essentialy this is the facet of philosophy that deals with concept clarification. People bandy about the word suffering, but when does one cross the line of say, dolor and is to said to suffer. Might none of those words capture what it is to suffer? Or are all of the aforementioned words necessarry to figure out what suffering means?
Another related topic. We might try to say what is necessarry and sufficient for one said to be grieving. Now the necessary/sufficient distinction is one that has book written about it, so I will try to do in a couple sentences what authors do in 400 pages. Given two statements something is necessary when the second statement cannot be true while the first is false. So I have a guinea pig is a necessarry condition of the further statement My guinea pig is sick. A condition is sufficient when the first claim cannot be true while the second is false, for example The levees broke when Hurricane Katrina came through is a sufficient condition for New Orleans is under water.
Macabre example aside, I could understand if there is still confusion, and never be afraid to ask: it took me 4 years to have clue, I'm not sure that a paragraph will all that enlightening. But back to the program.
Another option might be to conclude that suffering is an essential component of life and attempt to determine what place a proper amount of suffering has in the day to day life of humans. Thus, are those that do not suffer lacking an essential component of humanity? Would suffering be essential as the yang to joys ying so that we do not grow complacent? Or, as the Buddhists and many other sprititualities claim is suffering nothing more than a pox on humanity, a pernicious agent of perhaps society which is used as a control? And so on.
Another way to look at what is going on is to ask about the origins of suffering? If you are Catholic than you say that Eve ate the apple and gave it Adam. Those with a slightly more curious nature might peg it to the rise of rationality. For example, back when we were simian, would we claim that we suffered? Was it only when we became rational and began having self awareness. Is suffering today the same as suffering 1000 years ago, or mightthe rise of technology put a new aspect to suffering that our ancestors could have never dreamed?
I could go on like this for awhile, but I will spare you pages of questions. Suffice to say that I hope that I could give a little overview of what a philosophical problem is and is not, but if you have been zoning out, a recap. A quick and dirty definition of a philosophical problem is one which involves questions of meaning, truth and logical connections of fundamental ideas that resist solution by the empirical sciences. Although this little expansion glosses over much of what is going on (essentaily, there is alway smore to learn in philosophy), but a philosophical problem would not be that suffering exists (look at anyone crying, unless they are a good actor), or what parts of the brain light up during suffering (leave that to the psychologists) or whether or not any given agent or group is suffering (it depends on sociological factors). I hope that I shed a little bit of light on the method and purpose of philosophy with regards to suffering, and feel free as always to post questions comments and concerns, for when dealing with philosophy and philosophers, intial confusion leads to fundamental misunderstanding to outright chaos very quickly, which would lead to unnecessary suffering, and no one wants that right?
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
What a difference a suffix makes
In my travels around the abstract realm of humanity I have found that for every happy, fullfilled individual I meet I find 3 or more people that just wander with a glazed look in their eye and conversation which screams "I am so lonely!" Now I wondered at this, for most of this folk fall under the catergory of those with acceptable limits of neurosies, reasonable life interests and passions, and a vocabulary suitable for fullfilling communication with other humanoids. So then, what is this mystical thing that separates these lonely individuals from those who have all the human interaction they need/desire? I would say that the reasons fall under two headings: the desire for sociability and the difference between connection and connecting.
So, sociability. Here defined as the desire and need a particular sentient agent has to be in the company of other people (hopefully also sentient, but some people have very low standards: to them I say get a dog a talk to it). Some people honestly just have no desire to communicate much with others: Kant & many philosophers, J.D Salinger, Thomas Pynchon, the list goes on and on. Although I would imagine that every now again they wished to be in company, I would be more ready to believe that they prefered the santity of their thoughts over dealing with other. Thus I am led to believe that they were perfectly happy doing what it is they did best. Said another way, they never had the dead gleam which I am taking a look at, for there was just no need.
On the other face of the sociability coin lay the true social butterflies. These are the folk who just want to be friends with everybody. That is, if there is a person out there worth knowing, for any reason at all, then they must be known to. Although the motives of the social butterflies are fairly opaque, often to the butterfly his/herself (in the future called the hypersocial), the idea is there that they are the true opposite of the truly solitary (we will henceforth call them hyposocial: they just don't need the interaction).
Both of these extremes are unbalanced, and I would say fairly unhealthy, but the hyposocial may get away with their neurosy if they truly don't require other people to balance their thoughts and interactions & the hypersocial may truly be ok if and only if they are truly and thoroughly selfless, altruistic in every action.
Both of these folk exist only in theory to my knowledge, but the point to be taken away is that in attempting to escape being lonely I merely wish to note that some people require more atttention than others. Requireing attention here is not a bad thing, per se; in the best case I mean to say that these are just people who are not operating at their peak without the inspriation to be drawn from the company of others. Most of us even oscillate from day to day, and I will be my own social guinea pig here: as anyone who knows me probably also knows I am a fairly gregarious individual, but in a particularly introverted mood you are just as likely to get a miserable remark than any hint of charisma. On the days when outgoing reigns my day just isn't complete without a "rewarding" conversation/interaction with another person (sometimes people). However, when my pizzazz about equals that of a chair, most likely I am just as happy spending the day alone.
Now the trouble comes when I get too much or too little depending upon my day. Too much social interaction and I get frustrated and can come away with the conclusion that people just don't know when to quit, which will lead to a further withdrawl from others. This is a big deal when I get back to my outgoing self but find contemporaries which want nothing to do with such a (formerly) hyposocial person such as myself. The converse is also true. Now if I am felling kinda hypersocial and just don't find enough like minded folk, the easy answer would be to believe that I jsut don't have enough friends, no one understands me etc. So when our sociability desire and our actual social interaction are out of whack, we get the lack of joy that I attempt to impart so heavily in this little blog (aka, the emptyness sadness, and listlessness that we all feel in varying degress and with varying frequencies).
And that's just one horn of the dilema. The other problem comes from another issue, the connection/connecting distinction. Connection I'll define as a "soul to soul moment." These are those moments in which the worries of the world just seem to fall away in the company of another person: when we feel healthy and fullfilled merely being with another. It is in these moments when we fall in love with others, become inspired by them, have those profound times that create the people and experiences that we will remember in our final moments when our life flashes before our eyes. Connecting is the ways in which we connect with others. These avenues of connection are more difficult to define, for they differ from person to person , but basically they are the actions and means by which we feel understood by another, which lead to the connection that lead to our actualization as people.
Problem is, most people are acutely aware of the moments of connection, but are completely lost when it comes to learning how to follow and become aware of the patterns of connecting. Thus in most people we end up in a stuck between two very unhappy extremes: the moments of sheer joy in connection and the misery of not being able to attain those moments frequently enough, not be able to recreate the ways of connecting (the amount of sadness and misery is a function of not only sociability but of the priority and position that connection has in our ontology).
The problem of connecting is furthered by the troubling fact life keeps rolling on: the patterns that we create to achieve connection will and must change over time, or else we will inevitably end up cloying our favorite activities (look up the definition of cloying, it is a fascinating word). Thus the things that made us happy in the past will not necessarilly make us happy at any point in the future.
So what is the solution? How are we to keep up with an ever evolving creature that is the root of our social happiness that will not sit still long enough to provide a blueprint for this fullfilled life that we have all (hopefully) felt and look to stay in permanantly? Well, this is where my analysis must end, for we are all traveling a different path, but perhaps a thought or two to bide the time until of of us becomes enlightened, I'd imagine then there would at least be a helpful parable or two.
In fact, as a starting point, I'm going to share the 4 Agreements, which will not solve the problem, but will render it moot enough until there is one amoung us who can spread the good word. I would recommend picking up the 4 Agreements even if you aren't the spiritual sort: the perscriptions for behavior were created by ancient South American scientists, and they are just a good way to bop about the earthly sphere.
1. Be impeccable with Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others (the Buddhists would call this spreading compassion). Use the power of your word in the direction of truth & love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you (This is actually quite intuitive. The last friend/parent/whatever you got into a scuffle with, was it totally something they did, or was their action more the last straw in your already bad day, or something that would be called "the last thing you nedded to happen"). What others say & do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, (When combined with Agreement 1, we can find the real meaning of this Agreement & avoid shutting out the helpful opinions and actions of others, assuming we are sure they are acting in good faith and in our best interests) you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions: (This one is huge, probably the most important and profound of the 4 if taken to heart. Most people are actually kind-hearted, and we can avoid some of the problems I listed above by seeing what is actually going on v. what we think is going on. See the last couple posts). Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness & drama.
4. Always do your Best: (This is the realist clause. We will not be perfect, for we are human and will all make mistakes, but setting perfectionist goals is the most diret route to feeling like a failure) Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
So give them a go, let me know what you think. I gotta go, I have a date with music. Good luck.
So, sociability. Here defined as the desire and need a particular sentient agent has to be in the company of other people (hopefully also sentient, but some people have very low standards: to them I say get a dog a talk to it). Some people honestly just have no desire to communicate much with others: Kant & many philosophers, J.D Salinger, Thomas Pynchon, the list goes on and on. Although I would imagine that every now again they wished to be in company, I would be more ready to believe that they prefered the santity of their thoughts over dealing with other. Thus I am led to believe that they were perfectly happy doing what it is they did best. Said another way, they never had the dead gleam which I am taking a look at, for there was just no need.
On the other face of the sociability coin lay the true social butterflies. These are the folk who just want to be friends with everybody. That is, if there is a person out there worth knowing, for any reason at all, then they must be known to. Although the motives of the social butterflies are fairly opaque, often to the butterfly his/herself (in the future called the hypersocial), the idea is there that they are the true opposite of the truly solitary (we will henceforth call them hyposocial: they just don't need the interaction).
Both of these extremes are unbalanced, and I would say fairly unhealthy, but the hyposocial may get away with their neurosy if they truly don't require other people to balance their thoughts and interactions & the hypersocial may truly be ok if and only if they are truly and thoroughly selfless, altruistic in every action.
Both of these folk exist only in theory to my knowledge, but the point to be taken away is that in attempting to escape being lonely I merely wish to note that some people require more atttention than others. Requireing attention here is not a bad thing, per se; in the best case I mean to say that these are just people who are not operating at their peak without the inspriation to be drawn from the company of others. Most of us even oscillate from day to day, and I will be my own social guinea pig here: as anyone who knows me probably also knows I am a fairly gregarious individual, but in a particularly introverted mood you are just as likely to get a miserable remark than any hint of charisma. On the days when outgoing reigns my day just isn't complete without a "rewarding" conversation/interaction with another person (sometimes people). However, when my pizzazz about equals that of a chair, most likely I am just as happy spending the day alone.
Now the trouble comes when I get too much or too little depending upon my day. Too much social interaction and I get frustrated and can come away with the conclusion that people just don't know when to quit, which will lead to a further withdrawl from others. This is a big deal when I get back to my outgoing self but find contemporaries which want nothing to do with such a (formerly) hyposocial person such as myself. The converse is also true. Now if I am felling kinda hypersocial and just don't find enough like minded folk, the easy answer would be to believe that I jsut don't have enough friends, no one understands me etc. So when our sociability desire and our actual social interaction are out of whack, we get the lack of joy that I attempt to impart so heavily in this little blog (aka, the emptyness sadness, and listlessness that we all feel in varying degress and with varying frequencies).
And that's just one horn of the dilema. The other problem comes from another issue, the connection/connecting distinction. Connection I'll define as a "soul to soul moment." These are those moments in which the worries of the world just seem to fall away in the company of another person: when we feel healthy and fullfilled merely being with another. It is in these moments when we fall in love with others, become inspired by them, have those profound times that create the people and experiences that we will remember in our final moments when our life flashes before our eyes. Connecting is the ways in which we connect with others. These avenues of connection are more difficult to define, for they differ from person to person , but basically they are the actions and means by which we feel understood by another, which lead to the connection that lead to our actualization as people.
Problem is, most people are acutely aware of the moments of connection, but are completely lost when it comes to learning how to follow and become aware of the patterns of connecting. Thus in most people we end up in a stuck between two very unhappy extremes: the moments of sheer joy in connection and the misery of not being able to attain those moments frequently enough, not be able to recreate the ways of connecting (the amount of sadness and misery is a function of not only sociability but of the priority and position that connection has in our ontology).
The problem of connecting is furthered by the troubling fact life keeps rolling on: the patterns that we create to achieve connection will and must change over time, or else we will inevitably end up cloying our favorite activities (look up the definition of cloying, it is a fascinating word). Thus the things that made us happy in the past will not necessarilly make us happy at any point in the future.
So what is the solution? How are we to keep up with an ever evolving creature that is the root of our social happiness that will not sit still long enough to provide a blueprint for this fullfilled life that we have all (hopefully) felt and look to stay in permanantly? Well, this is where my analysis must end, for we are all traveling a different path, but perhaps a thought or two to bide the time until of of us becomes enlightened, I'd imagine then there would at least be a helpful parable or two.
In fact, as a starting point, I'm going to share the 4 Agreements, which will not solve the problem, but will render it moot enough until there is one amoung us who can spread the good word. I would recommend picking up the 4 Agreements even if you aren't the spiritual sort: the perscriptions for behavior were created by ancient South American scientists, and they are just a good way to bop about the earthly sphere.
1. Be impeccable with Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others (the Buddhists would call this spreading compassion). Use the power of your word in the direction of truth & love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you (This is actually quite intuitive. The last friend/parent/whatever you got into a scuffle with, was it totally something they did, or was their action more the last straw in your already bad day, or something that would be called "the last thing you nedded to happen"). What others say & do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, (When combined with Agreement 1, we can find the real meaning of this Agreement & avoid shutting out the helpful opinions and actions of others, assuming we are sure they are acting in good faith and in our best interests) you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions: (This one is huge, probably the most important and profound of the 4 if taken to heart. Most people are actually kind-hearted, and we can avoid some of the problems I listed above by seeing what is actually going on v. what we think is going on. See the last couple posts). Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness & drama.
4. Always do your Best: (This is the realist clause. We will not be perfect, for we are human and will all make mistakes, but setting perfectionist goals is the most diret route to feeling like a failure) Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
So give them a go, let me know what you think. I gotta go, I have a date with music. Good luck.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Reflections before moving on
This post must remain brief, for I am just exhausted after another weekend in the life of, but I just had to drop a quick line about feelings. Specifically, it is jut about this hour of night when the magic of self reflection escapes the cerebral realm and resides fully in the emotions, you know, those things that manage to short circuit rationality and truly allow us to be more than just badly reasoning machines. If this seems like a departure from the norm of postings here, in a major way it is. It is tough trying to find a way to semi-intellectually discuss ideas which require as their root emotive feeling, especially at 3 in the AM. Thus if this meanders too much into the personal I apologize in advance, and pledge to all who dare read these extended brain droppings that I hope to improve in this capacity ASAP. As far as I can tell there is an interesting topic in here somewhere and I will refuse all those who will attempt to call me New Age or things of that offenseive nature. Good luck, and here we go.
I have noticed a disturbing trend as I wander the streets of an extremely liberal, soon to be extremely cold neck of the woods, and that is, at least in my limited perceptions, that there seems to be a lack of actually feeling the experiences that we all have. From regret of things both said and not, to moving beyond the recognition of crisp cool early winters day to feeling how alive and aware the crisp air makes the spirit feel: it all falls under a lack of awareness, but I have to make a call of just how pernicious this lack of awareness actually is.
For example. As I was perusing my usual series of sites on the web to visit I was struck by a particular page I came across. Now, these late night trips around the cyber space are generally focused on keeping up with old friends, be they via blogs or the facebook or whatever, and I stumbled across an old and brief flame of summers past. As I saw her picture I was struck by everything associated with our brief relationship, from the joy of finding a new and inspiring interest to the many ways that I mistreated what our relationship could possibly have been. Now I am not one to condone in any way sitting in the past or projecting about the future, but for the first time since we physically parted ways I actually felt the impact that these feelings had and have upon me. Now this was a brief "fling" in the grand scheme of things, but in fully taking responsibility for our interaction I realized that my actions while we were something were tied more deeply to my frame of mind and how I felt then and now. More specifically, in my actions, or lack thereof, I not only furthered the spiral I was going down but (and this only conjecture) I also threw mistrust and misperception of me and 'us' into another person who did nothing to deserve any feelings of ill will, confusion or whatever, especially on account of me that were aroused by the sum of the situation. This left me feeling strange, and for the first time I saw a kink in the armor of a statement that I still hold dear, that being that it is better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done.
What this all amounts to is the idea of getting out of our minds. To make more clear, it is only because I refused to be aware of what she did (and potentially could have) meant to me that I ended being the catalyst of drama that only a theatre major could truly appreciate. If I had only taken a moment to take stock of how I felt instead of how I thought I felt, or how I thought I should have felt, or how I though she felt: I might now be spending this moment reveling in the rosy glow that memory often loves, the polished memory of a wonderfully simple time when all we had was our day job and our evenings to spend on the beach by a wonderful (albeit polluted) lake. Instead I am forced to take a moment for a late night study in the consequences of our actions, which while in the end cathartic, leaves me a little sad that I set myself up to be in this position in the first place.
So this is the topic of discussion, if there is one which can arise out of such early morning (and thus barely coherent and linguistically and narratively poor) thoughts is the idea of moving from what you think you know is going on to moving to what is actually going on. There are subtle differences to these two thoughts. In what we think we know, we judge, attempting to sort the world into neat little packets that we can pull out on a whim to apply to new situation to either 'not get burned again' or know the right course of action, or whatever. Moving to what is going on requires the recognition of how precious each moment we have actually is; that each action we perform moves us one step close to our inevitable demise and so to have a moment that even in retrospect will be considered 'wasted' (that is, a moment that attaches any sort of regret) is quite possibly the most damning thing a human can do. Thus we may very well may make the wrong decision most of the time, but in doing so I really believe that the reward we get for those rare 'soul to soul moments' (more on them in another post soon) even in the midst of a what hindsight would call a mistake, are what make worth living. So the question to ask oneself may take the form of "Is this rewarding enough to make me proud to have done it?" while we lay on our deathbeds, and if the answer is "yes" that I would argue that is the only answer needed and the only analysis necessary.
So to that gal who slipped thorough my grasp, I will say this to you. I truly enjoyed the all too brief time we spent together, and I wanted to honor you and us as best as I could have. Understand that my priorities were focused on consumable substance rather than the substance that makes up a person, and all of the times that I didn't call, or gave an excuse, I was really just suffering from a lack of personal awareness. Although cliché, it was not you, it was me, and I hope that you can sympathize with the idea that we all have to walk our own crooked mile to get to a place where we can be good to ourselves and others and I just wasn't quite there yet. So as the days roll on, I look forward to seeing how you are doing, and I hope that as we converse again you might see where I am v. where I was.
By the way, if anyone wants a homework assignment, I would say it to be this. Stop thinking and realize where you stand right now and the actions and thoughts that got you there. Chances are you see some things that you like and some that you don't. Now store those good qualities, and stop being passive aggressive and start to work on those qualities that makes you take pause when you pause. When done right, the feeling is akin to realizing you are carrying a watermelon: once you realize you are holding it you can put it down, walk on knowing that you have lightened the burden of the soul just a little bit more.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Well, is it easy or not?
The lifeguard's existance is action packed. Unless you work at the YWCA, in which case your existance entails watching people swim back and forth, 25 maddening yards at a time. It does however, afford interesting opportunities to watch just how frequently and perniciously the silly people of the world make things so much harder than they actually are. I mean, I watch swimmers every day emerge from the pool visibly flushed and exhausted after swimming a distance that I could easily have done while smoking a pack of cigarettes (suspend this disbelief at how one smokes underwater, but the point is there). And it is not as though these people are hopeless, or amputees, or [insert your own thing that would hinder swimming here], they merely have leapt before they looked, and now battle against the water when they could soon be sliding through it, like a child down a waterslide.
The issue does not end there. Sports aside, I watch people struggle at many various tasks, be it making a pass at the opposite gender, cooking dinner or even smoking a cigarette. I mean, we must be in need of a pretty good overhaul when I can walk past a smoker and worry if they are going to hurt themselves actually smoking it. This post isn't about cancer though, so I'll leave that aside: it is about effort, more importantly the misplacement of our mental and physical energies such that at the end of the day we would rather throw our loved ones out of the nearest window than give them some welcome home affection.
I'll take as the beginning of our need for simplicity from the universe itself. Think of our seasons, the cycle of the moon, even watching the leaves fall. Although I cannot actually ask a tree, I'm pretty sure it does not stress about losing its leaves until spring, or attempt in vain to continue providing nutrients for leaves that no longer want/are able to get it. Yet take a look at humanity: anyone who has dated has put in a nights worth of effort without the reward we seek only to find a better option when we have given up hope, or suffered through a difficult problem (I always enjoyed advanced logic suffering personally) only to solve it in your sleep, in the bathroom, suing David Copperfield (I'll explain later) whatever. The path of least resistance often turns out to be the quick route between problem and solution.
And by least resistance I mean most efficient. Solving the Theory of Everything requires a little more than a bubble bath and the new issue of Scientific American. But what it does require is the realization we only have so much energy to use in thought before other thoughts drift in (like how the days of the week got their names). Thus worrying about whether or not you will get that job interview while you are still writing the cover letter is severly counterproductive: not only are you distracted from writing the cover, but you actually are distracted from worrying, if that is actually what you want to do with your life.
I don't quite know where this need for complification comes from. It could come from society, where we are taught by TV commercials that we are not good enough (at least without that new terrible looking bottled mixed drink -- with that hot women will have sex with us, regardless of gender and whether we knew we wanted it or not), movies an other media. Or perhaps it is the education system, with the unintended consequence of teaching certain children things their minds just can't handle (remember the kids that failed math, or were held back a grade in Kindergarten and so on) which teach children that the way to progress is paved with obstacles. Or perhaps we learn it from our parents and the various unconcious ways that they let us know that we are destined for a future of unfullfilling employment. Even the popular conception of marriage, which should be the most rewarding option two people can choose, get lambasted in such terrible programs as the War at Home (f*%^ you Michael Rappaport), letting us know that even when we are 'happy', we will inevitably have to deal with trauma. Or it could even be as simple as boredom: as my roomate says 'People without enough to do do it to make their lives have meaning'.
I'm not sure what the actual answer is, potentially it is the conjuction of all of the things I mentioned earlier. I do think now that it is another negative function of the domestication that we all go through. From early childhood most of us receive the notion that we have to scratch tooth and nail for everything that we have, and if you really want something you may have to leave a trail of destruction in you wake to get it. To all you folks I bite my thumb. If no one has noticed (and I think I have mentioned this before) is that the things that happen just do: they do not come assigned with value; we create the value. Thus the idea of look out for #1 is one reason (I am almost positive) why we can now turn on the Weather Channel to watch news as terrifying as anything on the major networks at 5 but that is a question for another day.
I will admit that our rationality seems to also provide us the feelings that complicate our lives: it is hard to be rational when one is love, or broken hearted, or just depressed. Not even rational, it is hard to believe that the world isn't in black and white. To this I would suggest that the only real way out of this is to see one's self as another member of the world. That is, the way we feel is just another thing that happends in the world, and it is up to us to choose how we feel about it. Thus, the next time you feel down, admit you feel down: accepting your feelings as opposed to feeling bad about it, or fighting it: it is that underlying current of desperation, the feeling of resolution now, that saps the mental strength just like living in inefficient life does.
My apologies if this ever smacked of a self help seminar, but the point is that keeping it as simple as possible is not only refreshing, but it will make you a much more pleasant person to be around. I mean seriously, if I have to look at more people with slightly downturned mouths as permamant expressions I will not hesitate to start kicking ass.
If there is anything to try today, it is what is called the Alexander Technique. This technique teaches the use of the appropriate amount of force for a particular activity, giving you more energy for all your other activities. This is a 100 year old method which helps a person discover a new balance in the body by releasing unnecessary tension (For more info, check out http://www.alexandertechnique.com/). Even if you think the technique is claptrap, the point of the concept is one that we can all use.
Before I go, close the plothole in today's post about suing Dacid Copperfield. Christopher Roller, a Burnsville MN man (it just makes such sense that he is Minnesotan) has decided that both Davids Copperfield and Blaine perform ungodly tricks. So in true American style his answer: the lawsuit. Roller says that if Blaine and Copperfield show him their tricks "with scientific principals [sic] that don't defy laws of physics" -- and allow him to "imitate/copy in slow motion" as they do it -- and, if in his judgement there is a "worldly" explanation for their tricks, he will drop the suits. But he's fairly confident that they cannot do the tricks with mere worldly power, because they are surely using "godly" powers to do their tricks. And that, he says, is the basis for his suits, filed in U.S. District Court for the District of Minnesota this summer. I won't blow the whole story, but if you have some free time, please visit http://www.mytrumanshow.com/. It makes me fully aware that the world is coming to an end, but if it is at the hands of this man, I at least will go out laughing pretty hard. Be sure to check out his thoughts on fathering 1,000,000 children, with two of the parents being Katie Couric and Celene Dion. Enjoy.
The issue does not end there. Sports aside, I watch people struggle at many various tasks, be it making a pass at the opposite gender, cooking dinner or even smoking a cigarette. I mean, we must be in need of a pretty good overhaul when I can walk past a smoker and worry if they are going to hurt themselves actually smoking it. This post isn't about cancer though, so I'll leave that aside: it is about effort, more importantly the misplacement of our mental and physical energies such that at the end of the day we would rather throw our loved ones out of the nearest window than give them some welcome home affection.
I'll take as the beginning of our need for simplicity from the universe itself. Think of our seasons, the cycle of the moon, even watching the leaves fall. Although I cannot actually ask a tree, I'm pretty sure it does not stress about losing its leaves until spring, or attempt in vain to continue providing nutrients for leaves that no longer want/are able to get it. Yet take a look at humanity: anyone who has dated has put in a nights worth of effort without the reward we seek only to find a better option when we have given up hope, or suffered through a difficult problem (I always enjoyed advanced logic suffering personally) only to solve it in your sleep, in the bathroom, suing David Copperfield (I'll explain later) whatever. The path of least resistance often turns out to be the quick route between problem and solution.
And by least resistance I mean most efficient. Solving the Theory of Everything requires a little more than a bubble bath and the new issue of Scientific American. But what it does require is the realization we only have so much energy to use in thought before other thoughts drift in (like how the days of the week got their names). Thus worrying about whether or not you will get that job interview while you are still writing the cover letter is severly counterproductive: not only are you distracted from writing the cover, but you actually are distracted from worrying, if that is actually what you want to do with your life.
I don't quite know where this need for complification comes from. It could come from society, where we are taught by TV commercials that we are not good enough (at least without that new terrible looking bottled mixed drink -- with that hot women will have sex with us, regardless of gender and whether we knew we wanted it or not), movies an other media. Or perhaps it is the education system, with the unintended consequence of teaching certain children things their minds just can't handle (remember the kids that failed math, or were held back a grade in Kindergarten and so on) which teach children that the way to progress is paved with obstacles. Or perhaps we learn it from our parents and the various unconcious ways that they let us know that we are destined for a future of unfullfilling employment. Even the popular conception of marriage, which should be the most rewarding option two people can choose, get lambasted in such terrible programs as the War at Home (f*%^ you Michael Rappaport), letting us know that even when we are 'happy', we will inevitably have to deal with trauma. Or it could even be as simple as boredom: as my roomate says 'People without enough to do do it to make their lives have meaning'.
I'm not sure what the actual answer is, potentially it is the conjuction of all of the things I mentioned earlier. I do think now that it is another negative function of the domestication that we all go through. From early childhood most of us receive the notion that we have to scratch tooth and nail for everything that we have, and if you really want something you may have to leave a trail of destruction in you wake to get it. To all you folks I bite my thumb. If no one has noticed (and I think I have mentioned this before) is that the things that happen just do: they do not come assigned with value; we create the value. Thus the idea of look out for #1 is one reason (I am almost positive) why we can now turn on the Weather Channel to watch news as terrifying as anything on the major networks at 5 but that is a question for another day.
I will admit that our rationality seems to also provide us the feelings that complicate our lives: it is hard to be rational when one is love, or broken hearted, or just depressed. Not even rational, it is hard to believe that the world isn't in black and white. To this I would suggest that the only real way out of this is to see one's self as another member of the world. That is, the way we feel is just another thing that happends in the world, and it is up to us to choose how we feel about it. Thus, the next time you feel down, admit you feel down: accepting your feelings as opposed to feeling bad about it, or fighting it: it is that underlying current of desperation, the feeling of resolution now, that saps the mental strength just like living in inefficient life does.
My apologies if this ever smacked of a self help seminar, but the point is that keeping it as simple as possible is not only refreshing, but it will make you a much more pleasant person to be around. I mean seriously, if I have to look at more people with slightly downturned mouths as permamant expressions I will not hesitate to start kicking ass.
If there is anything to try today, it is what is called the Alexander Technique. This technique teaches the use of the appropriate amount of force for a particular activity, giving you more energy for all your other activities. This is a 100 year old method which helps a person discover a new balance in the body by releasing unnecessary tension (For more info, check out http://www.alexandertechnique.com/). Even if you think the technique is claptrap, the point of the concept is one that we can all use.
Before I go, close the plothole in today's post about suing Dacid Copperfield. Christopher Roller, a Burnsville MN man (it just makes such sense that he is Minnesotan) has decided that both Davids Copperfield and Blaine perform ungodly tricks. So in true American style his answer: the lawsuit. Roller says that if Blaine and Copperfield show him their tricks "with scientific principals [sic] that don't defy laws of physics" -- and allow him to "imitate/copy in slow motion" as they do it -- and, if in his judgement there is a "worldly" explanation for their tricks, he will drop the suits. But he's fairly confident that they cannot do the tricks with mere worldly power, because they are surely using "godly" powers to do their tricks. And that, he says, is the basis for his suits, filed in U.S. District Court for the District of Minnesota this summer. I won't blow the whole story, but if you have some free time, please visit http://www.mytrumanshow.com/. It makes me fully aware that the world is coming to an end, but if it is at the hands of this man, I at least will go out laughing pretty hard. Be sure to check out his thoughts on fathering 1,000,000 children, with two of the parents being Katie Couric and Celene Dion. Enjoy.
Monday, October 31, 2005
This time it's personal
I know that I started this littleblog with a couple of posts on personal responsibility. I still agree with what I said, whole heartedly in fact, so much so that today we will be talking about consequences. I'm not sure, but from what I have seen both in my life and the lives of those around me that there is a whole lot of personal responsibility shirking going on. More specifically, I have reached the point today that the amount of complaining going on, whether it is an existential crisis about where someone is in their life, whether making a pass at the wrong person, whether or not a friend is going down the wrong path...All of these are just a way to excuse responsibility for one's actions.
In fact, I have thought about this and have come to the conclusion that there is no valid reason to ever bitch about anything that does not go the way that one wants it to. I know that there is a touch of hyprocracy here, if due to no other reason than the ostensible fact that I am complaining about the amount of complaining, but I am alright with myself on this. The greater cause here is that I will hear no more complaining about something other than the loss of life or liberty.
On angle is the free will v. determinism debate. If our lives are deterministic, then really no one has a reason to bitch at all, because what we have done we have done, what we will do we will do, and nothing will be able to change the course of events. Thus, shut up. If we do have free will, then the question is begged slightly more, but not in any real way.
Granted we are unable to see all the consequences that our actions may have. Here I speak of forseeable consequences as in: if I write my cover letter this way I will not get the job, if I send this message someone will take it this way and so on. I am not thinking of things along the line of the butterfly effect. If we have lived to be old enough to read this and understand the point I argue that we have come far enough to stop for a second and think about our next move. It goes something like this: as of late I have a run of fairly bad luck: getting fired from a job for a reason that I do not see as real among other things. Now there could have been a number of factors that could have prevented this, among them the fact that any one of my fellow employees could have call and let me know I was missing the meeting that would signal my doom, my boss could have called and asked for the reason (he did leave a message, but he didn't actually call me to fire me) and so on. The bald fact is that what happened did, and even though I could have changed things or any of the aforementioned other things could have happened, but the overwhelming idea is that none of them actually did so I actually have no reason to bitch. I did, and I sit slightly unhappy that I wasted precious seconds complaining about something I could not change, rather than attempting to find a solution that would make my life and the situation better.
The last phrase in bold I cannot stress enough. For complaining, and stewing, and not moving on leads not only to pining for a better time (anyone that knows me can think of at least one example), but it also takes you from the stream of life and thus removes you from the doors that open with any change in the routine that makes up one's life.
I know that we all complain, it is a natural product of a domesticaed life and the illusion of self. My call is to fight it. If you have a problem, then you better let it out, or let it go, but there is always a resolution to be had, or at least the first steps to resolution. So if you outright can't let it go, then move along: there is already life passing you by. With that I gotta get going, this complaining is driving me insane.
In fact, I have thought about this and have come to the conclusion that there is no valid reason to ever bitch about anything that does not go the way that one wants it to. I know that there is a touch of hyprocracy here, if due to no other reason than the ostensible fact that I am complaining about the amount of complaining, but I am alright with myself on this. The greater cause here is that I will hear no more complaining about something other than the loss of life or liberty.
On angle is the free will v. determinism debate. If our lives are deterministic, then really no one has a reason to bitch at all, because what we have done we have done, what we will do we will do, and nothing will be able to change the course of events. Thus, shut up. If we do have free will, then the question is begged slightly more, but not in any real way.
Granted we are unable to see all the consequences that our actions may have. Here I speak of forseeable consequences as in: if I write my cover letter this way I will not get the job, if I send this message someone will take it this way and so on. I am not thinking of things along the line of the butterfly effect. If we have lived to be old enough to read this and understand the point I argue that we have come far enough to stop for a second and think about our next move. It goes something like this: as of late I have a run of fairly bad luck: getting fired from a job for a reason that I do not see as real among other things. Now there could have been a number of factors that could have prevented this, among them the fact that any one of my fellow employees could have call and let me know I was missing the meeting that would signal my doom, my boss could have called and asked for the reason (he did leave a message, but he didn't actually call me to fire me) and so on. The bald fact is that what happened did, and even though I could have changed things or any of the aforementioned other things could have happened, but the overwhelming idea is that none of them actually did so I actually have no reason to bitch. I did, and I sit slightly unhappy that I wasted precious seconds complaining about something I could not change, rather than attempting to find a solution that would make my life and the situation better.
The last phrase in bold I cannot stress enough. For complaining, and stewing, and not moving on leads not only to pining for a better time (anyone that knows me can think of at least one example), but it also takes you from the stream of life and thus removes you from the doors that open with any change in the routine that makes up one's life.
I know that we all complain, it is a natural product of a domesticaed life and the illusion of self. My call is to fight it. If you have a problem, then you better let it out, or let it go, but there is always a resolution to be had, or at least the first steps to resolution. So if you outright can't let it go, then move along: there is already life passing you by. With that I gotta get going, this complaining is driving me insane.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
If we all just suffered a little more of these...
So in my travels about Uptown minneapolis & beyond I have encountered quite a few different things than I expected in the real world, and experienced some emotions that I have never felt/know I was able to feel. In these moments, I am struck by the vulnerabilty that I inevitably feel. I'd like to call these little moments of a paticular lucidity a 'fit of humanity'. I've noticed also that these little 'fits' seem to occur most prominently when drunk, tired or hungover, but they are most pure and wonderful when they occur in a quiet moment of contemplation; that moment when I can finally stop worring about the next paycheck and the debacle at my alma mater and the forever derailing train that seems to be my chaotic existance and my bruised knuckles and so on..(Not all of these are true or even really relevant and I'll leave it to those who know me to sort through the mess). Actually, none of it matters because the point at hand is the moment when all of the external trappings of life fall away and you are left with the truth, and I have found in these moments that the answers that we become aware of are always positive.
Quick note: my dear reader must forgive the awkward word choice, the poorly formatted ideas, and general verbosity that may accompany this one: I have had another long night at the office, culminating this morning with very little sleep and a feeling that one of the ties keeping my heart in my chest snapped in half somewhere around 5:00 am, so that coupled with my absense from the writing community for a few days means that I am not at my best. The point is not my mild incapacitation, but these fits that I hope people experience early and often.
The moment I guess is akin to what the drunks call a moment of clarity, but the only thing that presents itself through the fog of our mind is emotion, and typically for another human being. We all get caught up in work, exercise, trying to be cool whatever, and when these things pile up we lose the ability to feel. By feel I mean the natural affection that we have for our friends and loved ones. Have you ever been struck, perhaps over pints, perhaps on drugs (not optimal, but they happen), perhaps just in conversation, by how much someone actually means to you? If not I suggest you take a sabbacle, right now. The moment is overwhelming, not only for the force with which compassionate feeling hit our psyche, but often the guilt and shame that come with the further realization that these feelings have always been there, but were repressed, ignored or just plain rationalized away. I would argue that this moment is the most pure thing a human being can feel, for it is in that moment when the past meets the present to guide the future hopefully toward to more peaceful path.
If this happends to you, and I hope that it does, I beg you to run with it. I have been struck by the recent trend of either being extremely stoic or oscar winning weepy, and I have to ask: when was the last time you told someone you appreciated them for who they are and what they do for you? Seriously things left unsaid, especially kind and motivating things, are one of the more insidous omissions of everyday interaction. I don't mean that you should thank your boss for not giving you that weekend project (or maybe you should, I haven't really though about it), but those people that you give a damn about, damnit tell them!
It seems that our training as people teaches us that sharing your feelings is like tipping your hand. In other circles it makes you a pansy. In a truly social setting where these norms reign I would not recommend having a fit of humanity, for you will either end up beat up or disrespected, so save it for a less public moment. But how many times in your life have you heard from an interest of yours (pick your gender and preference, we're talking about romantic relationships here) "I used to have such a crush on you." Perhaps those words work their back to you, perhaps too late to act on what could be the most rewarding moment of your existance. Like the wonderful line from Abre los Ojos: "every moment is the best moment to start again" (I don't know if that was it verbatim, but the gist is there).
So what is the sum of all of this talk? To really get in touch with who you are and how you feel, not who you want to be and how you want to feel. Before we can make truly bold strokes with ourselves over the canvass that is our journey (cheesy analogy, my fault) we have to get in touch with what is going on not in our rational minds, but with our more emotive faculties. To ignore how we feel: whether scored, loving, angry, envious or ____(insert your own here) is to ignore the deeper half of our humanity, and to ignore the deeper half of our humanity is to pave the way for drug abuse, depression, a mid-life crisis or, worst of all, isolation and loneliness because you didn't realize that you were hopelessly, madly _______ until it was too late. So two morals of todays rambling: take the time to figure out how you feel about your place among the people, places and things that make up your little sphere of the world. Two, tell it and tell it proud. It is tough, and some of the things to say are extremely difficult, but if you don't do it no one else will do it for you. By the way, the feeling of a clean conscience and lack of unfinished business is like dropping the 200lb monkey that has been riding on your back. That said, it is time for a nap, and then I'm pretty sure I have some people to thank for making me who I am. Excuse me.
Quick note: my dear reader must forgive the awkward word choice, the poorly formatted ideas, and general verbosity that may accompany this one: I have had another long night at the office, culminating this morning with very little sleep and a feeling that one of the ties keeping my heart in my chest snapped in half somewhere around 5:00 am, so that coupled with my absense from the writing community for a few days means that I am not at my best. The point is not my mild incapacitation, but these fits that I hope people experience early and often.
The moment I guess is akin to what the drunks call a moment of clarity, but the only thing that presents itself through the fog of our mind is emotion, and typically for another human being. We all get caught up in work, exercise, trying to be cool whatever, and when these things pile up we lose the ability to feel. By feel I mean the natural affection that we have for our friends and loved ones. Have you ever been struck, perhaps over pints, perhaps on drugs (not optimal, but they happen), perhaps just in conversation, by how much someone actually means to you? If not I suggest you take a sabbacle, right now. The moment is overwhelming, not only for the force with which compassionate feeling hit our psyche, but often the guilt and shame that come with the further realization that these feelings have always been there, but were repressed, ignored or just plain rationalized away. I would argue that this moment is the most pure thing a human being can feel, for it is in that moment when the past meets the present to guide the future hopefully toward to more peaceful path.
If this happends to you, and I hope that it does, I beg you to run with it. I have been struck by the recent trend of either being extremely stoic or oscar winning weepy, and I have to ask: when was the last time you told someone you appreciated them for who they are and what they do for you? Seriously things left unsaid, especially kind and motivating things, are one of the more insidous omissions of everyday interaction. I don't mean that you should thank your boss for not giving you that weekend project (or maybe you should, I haven't really though about it), but those people that you give a damn about, damnit tell them!
It seems that our training as people teaches us that sharing your feelings is like tipping your hand. In other circles it makes you a pansy. In a truly social setting where these norms reign I would not recommend having a fit of humanity, for you will either end up beat up or disrespected, so save it for a less public moment. But how many times in your life have you heard from an interest of yours (pick your gender and preference, we're talking about romantic relationships here) "I used to have such a crush on you." Perhaps those words work their back to you, perhaps too late to act on what could be the most rewarding moment of your existance. Like the wonderful line from Abre los Ojos: "every moment is the best moment to start again" (I don't know if that was it verbatim, but the gist is there).
So what is the sum of all of this talk? To really get in touch with who you are and how you feel, not who you want to be and how you want to feel. Before we can make truly bold strokes with ourselves over the canvass that is our journey (cheesy analogy, my fault) we have to get in touch with what is going on not in our rational minds, but with our more emotive faculties. To ignore how we feel: whether scored, loving, angry, envious or ____(insert your own here) is to ignore the deeper half of our humanity, and to ignore the deeper half of our humanity is to pave the way for drug abuse, depression, a mid-life crisis or, worst of all, isolation and loneliness because you didn't realize that you were hopelessly, madly _______ until it was too late. So two morals of todays rambling: take the time to figure out how you feel about your place among the people, places and things that make up your little sphere of the world. Two, tell it and tell it proud. It is tough, and some of the things to say are extremely difficult, but if you don't do it no one else will do it for you. By the way, the feeling of a clean conscience and lack of unfinished business is like dropping the 200lb monkey that has been riding on your back. That said, it is time for a nap, and then I'm pretty sure I have some people to thank for making me who I am. Excuse me.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
How am I not myself? How am I not myself?...
Hello! For those that care, those who are bored, those who stumble here from I don't know where, salutations! I've been workin it lately, picking up some employ, and preparing for the great 24 hours that is Halloween. But enough about me (I hate self-righteous bloggers: I'm pretty sure no one cares how you had an existential crisis over your cereal, ya know?) we have more important things to attend to. More specifically, I am really interested in concept that has been floating around humanity's ethos far longer than most countries have had their borders situated as they currently do, and that is the idea that we don't exist.
In fact, nothing does. But this non-existance does not spend time with the solipsist, for the truth that non-existance is trying to point out is the idea that what we think of as ourselves, as the world around us, is merely the construct of the ego; the fact is that we never stop being the alpha and the omega of our existance, in fact we never stop being all that is around us. I know that this seems like a fairly heady claim, unless put the wrong mushrooms on your pasta, in which case you could see what I am saying, but it actually will become self evident with an example.
Take the LGBT community. These fine folks have had to put up with discrimination not based on anything but private habit and the gonder they are attracted to, fear based on absolutely nothing, and hate for being amoung other things the end of civilization, the antichrist proper, you get what I'm saying. At the same time, when I (you, he, she) get to know the GLBT community, what is rightly found is not only that they are like everyone else (that is, prone to the same passions and feelings, thoughts and concerns) but they also have another and very interesting and rewarding perspective, another good glass to look through when seeing the world.
Now what did that rambling example teach us? That the GLBT community is both awful and wonderful, demonic & saintly, kind and amoral. Ok, ok so what's going on here? How can this one group be responsible for both such good and such evil? There is a saying that intelligence is the ability to hold to diatomically opposed ideas, but I don't believe that here, someone has to be right in the whole debate. Right?
The truth is, (and this is the important part) that neither view is right according to the Buddhist. They would take umbrage with the idea that there was a group to harrangue in the first place. If you don't get it yet, you will. This group of folks is both all and nothing that their detractors and benefactors claim. In fact we all are. We all have the potential to be and do whatever we want. Like the Buddha, who was a slut & a prude, and King & a vagrant, an aesthetic and a dionesiac, we have an infinite nature. Said otherwise, we live in a unified nature in which we can perform just about any action: the choice of action, they say is in what we train our minds to pick up.
Now here comes the fun part. In the case of the Buddha, which part was the real him? The prince, the Enlightened One under his treee? Or even better, take a look at yourself: your actions are different everyday, your thoughts and feelings changing by the minute. Anyone I know who lives with at least a small disregard for what they are supposed to think and feel have both hated and loved the same person in the same day, perhaps the same hour; so which part of your actions are you? Are you a lover, a hater, ambivalent? No good answer today huh? (And for those of you that think you have an answer I think you are full of it, I really do) That's the crux of the matter: how can we have a concept of self when there is constant, permanant change occuring at all times? Said otherwise,it is that our growth, maturation and change is constant, and since we cannot freeze time (I'll leave that to kitch '80's kids shows) we can never validly say that we are talking about that person at any given time.
I don't know how well I explained it, but this concept of no self is of parmount importance to everyone, whether practicing buddhist or harried mother. When we get frustrated at others, it is for something that they always do, or for something they will forever lack. What we really need to see is that whomever we are actually ticked off at just happened to run through a form that disagreed with what we saw as ourselves at that moment. Thus our frustration is merely the instance of two egos, who shouldn't even exist intersecting unhapilly based upon what we think that we need.
What we think we need? Come on now, just think of any 3rd world country. Is the suicide rate just astronomical due to the extreme poverty and unheathly living conditions? Hell no, in fact, they seem to be about as happy as we are in the States, perhaps even more so, due to their tight family ties and consumerism free existance (This is in no way an endorsement of poverty, although if I did I wouldn't be the first to do so. The point is, you are not what you think you want; desire is the root of all suffering).
I guess the moral of the story is get off your high horse you are nothing that important. Note though, that you are also everything important. Humanity is now at a brilliant crossroads to open up and see what is actually going on: The draw of a nonmaterial, selfless-centered lifestyle is waining in the East due the heavy inroads of materialism and technology. At the same time though, such a paradigm is gaining straingth in the West, due to our disenchantment with our technology and materialism. For when we realize that technology makes "major contributions to minor needs of man" we can also become aware that we have become cogs in an out of control machine, living in a system which is fundamentally dehumanizing, turning good people into nothing more than consumers of things.
Now don't go blowing up your nearest starbucks, but try to see things from another position: if you buy that we really have no self so to speak, then where do we get off getting angry at others for doing us wrong? Or even getting angry at yourself? We can only hope that those around us are doing the best that they can, and if they are not, we hope that soon they will get back on the horse. Mission for the day: forgive someone you usually get angry or frustrated with in the situation that usually angers you. Last time I did I learned some things about myself and what actually makes me angry v. the kneejerk reaction that we often employ. Sometimes I am amazed humanity has lasted as long as it has.
In fact, nothing does. But this non-existance does not spend time with the solipsist, for the truth that non-existance is trying to point out is the idea that what we think of as ourselves, as the world around us, is merely the construct of the ego; the fact is that we never stop being the alpha and the omega of our existance, in fact we never stop being all that is around us. I know that this seems like a fairly heady claim, unless put the wrong mushrooms on your pasta, in which case you could see what I am saying, but it actually will become self evident with an example.
Take the LGBT community. These fine folks have had to put up with discrimination not based on anything but private habit and the gonder they are attracted to, fear based on absolutely nothing, and hate for being amoung other things the end of civilization, the antichrist proper, you get what I'm saying. At the same time, when I (you, he, she) get to know the GLBT community, what is rightly found is not only that they are like everyone else (that is, prone to the same passions and feelings, thoughts and concerns) but they also have another and very interesting and rewarding perspective, another good glass to look through when seeing the world.
Now what did that rambling example teach us? That the GLBT community is both awful and wonderful, demonic & saintly, kind and amoral. Ok, ok so what's going on here? How can this one group be responsible for both such good and such evil? There is a saying that intelligence is the ability to hold to diatomically opposed ideas, but I don't believe that here, someone has to be right in the whole debate. Right?
The truth is, (and this is the important part) that neither view is right according to the Buddhist. They would take umbrage with the idea that there was a group to harrangue in the first place. If you don't get it yet, you will. This group of folks is both all and nothing that their detractors and benefactors claim. In fact we all are. We all have the potential to be and do whatever we want. Like the Buddha, who was a slut & a prude, and King & a vagrant, an aesthetic and a dionesiac, we have an infinite nature. Said otherwise, we live in a unified nature in which we can perform just about any action: the choice of action, they say is in what we train our minds to pick up.
Now here comes the fun part. In the case of the Buddha, which part was the real him? The prince, the Enlightened One under his treee? Or even better, take a look at yourself: your actions are different everyday, your thoughts and feelings changing by the minute. Anyone I know who lives with at least a small disregard for what they are supposed to think and feel have both hated and loved the same person in the same day, perhaps the same hour; so which part of your actions are you? Are you a lover, a hater, ambivalent? No good answer today huh? (And for those of you that think you have an answer I think you are full of it, I really do) That's the crux of the matter: how can we have a concept of self when there is constant, permanant change occuring at all times? Said otherwise,it is that our growth, maturation and change is constant, and since we cannot freeze time (I'll leave that to kitch '80's kids shows) we can never validly say that we are talking about that person at any given time.
I don't know how well I explained it, but this concept of no self is of parmount importance to everyone, whether practicing buddhist or harried mother. When we get frustrated at others, it is for something that they always do, or for something they will forever lack. What we really need to see is that whomever we are actually ticked off at just happened to run through a form that disagreed with what we saw as ourselves at that moment. Thus our frustration is merely the instance of two egos, who shouldn't even exist intersecting unhapilly based upon what we think that we need.
What we think we need? Come on now, just think of any 3rd world country. Is the suicide rate just astronomical due to the extreme poverty and unheathly living conditions? Hell no, in fact, they seem to be about as happy as we are in the States, perhaps even more so, due to their tight family ties and consumerism free existance (This is in no way an endorsement of poverty, although if I did I wouldn't be the first to do so. The point is, you are not what you think you want; desire is the root of all suffering).
I guess the moral of the story is get off your high horse you are nothing that important. Note though, that you are also everything important. Humanity is now at a brilliant crossroads to open up and see what is actually going on: The draw of a nonmaterial, selfless-centered lifestyle is waining in the East due the heavy inroads of materialism and technology. At the same time though, such a paradigm is gaining straingth in the West, due to our disenchantment with our technology and materialism. For when we realize that technology makes "major contributions to minor needs of man" we can also become aware that we have become cogs in an out of control machine, living in a system which is fundamentally dehumanizing, turning good people into nothing more than consumers of things.
Now don't go blowing up your nearest starbucks, but try to see things from another position: if you buy that we really have no self so to speak, then where do we get off getting angry at others for doing us wrong? Or even getting angry at yourself? We can only hope that those around us are doing the best that they can, and if they are not, we hope that soon they will get back on the horse. Mission for the day: forgive someone you usually get angry or frustrated with in the situation that usually angers you. Last time I did I learned some things about myself and what actually makes me angry v. the kneejerk reaction that we often employ. Sometimes I am amazed humanity has lasted as long as it has.
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