Turns out Rodger was right...

As I type this, I have the opportunity to watch a small parade of
blind folk traipsing down the street, and I wonder: what would it be
like to be robbed of the primary sense that humans possess? I mean
the whole deaf/blind debate will rage in school yards forever, but
seriously, I'd like to argue that we are primarily visual creatures,
and to miss out on little things like watching the snow (or the
leaves, the extreme sports athletes, whatever) fall to the earth so
gracefully is just such a shame. With each loss comes enormous gain
as well, and I wonder if our poorly sighted friends, might not form
more easily some deeper connections with other due to the fact that
they are not distracted with such things as beauty, or a dazzling
smile, or whatever: Would it be easier to see the meat behind the
person?

I only say this, for I have noticed that I (most people, though I hope
there are exceptions) run on rationalizations. Ostensibly, that
appears to be the way things work. Just had to get that drunk to
rationalize something that all the rest of the time I would really
like to be doing. My relationship with others fall in the same
category: whether I wake up looking forward to dealing with ‘this person’ or
not, this is based solely on what manages to surface in my head, and
while I'm getting better at choosing, it's always tough to figure out
which rationalizations hold most true.

As opposed to being sad about it though, I took heart, for a nice,
neat little argument took form in my head. It was essentially that:
if we have free will, then any choice we make is potentially just as
likely as any other, and so, with this multitude of choices, with a
little work couldn't we get to absolutely choose our thoughts, our
actions, our lives? Well absolutely, and simply I believe that that
kind of awareness arises when we can finally not beg the question "How
am I not myself?"

All Huckabees quotes aside, I find it really interesting why we (and
by we I mean everyone) make poor decisions when we are given this
freedom of choice. I find that what I think I want and what I really
want are often two different things, yet for some odd reason I always
run screaming after what I think I want. I mean it seems almost a
truism to say that one's self is the most important vessel around (I
mean, we only get one, and each one is pretty unique, too bad we
couldn't trade them in every now & again like hermit crabs), and yet
the effort spent on self evaluation and examination is more often
spent watching blind date with one's face buried in the couch (fear
not, my life is not that pathetic & boring, but I have heard of many
that fall victim to this little problem). Is it really that difficult
to take a look in your skeleton closet often enough that by 40 you
aren't in the bell tower with the sniper rifle?

I guess I have just been enamored with the idea of awareness, in
others, ourselves, and the environment around us. To steal another
quote 'We don't block things out, we let them in. I'm like a
fucking lightening rod...” When I actually get away with it:
killing the constant thought process and just perceiving, I realize
that through routine, ADD or a lack of care, it becomes very difficult
to notice the nuances of the person, situation, whatever, that we
happen to find ourselves in. Try it sometime; find yourself a nice
area, it doesn't matter if it's in a forest, on the street, in a cafe
(I really like doing this), and just sit and soak it in: don't think,
don't judge, just try to recognize the patterns and sounds that shield
themselves from thought.