do you even want to learn?

It seems that we are all a little self-destructive inside. From abusive relationships to rampant drug addiction, to mistreatment of the body & mind, I've as of late become sure that we are all trying to kill ourselves. Some are more forthcoming about it than others (the cutters tend to present their habit a little better than the alcoholics), but in everyone I know and have ever met it is self destruction that is the thread that runs between all people: that's right, you have more in common with the guy next to you than you think.

So why? If one really stops to think, it is just as easy to treat ourselves kindly as it is to be ruinous, so then wtf? I've been attempting to get to the root of all of this trouble, and I think it stems from one of three things (these aren't be all & catch all, but they are the major categories that folks partake in when deciding that their body needs to die just a little more: habit, weakness & social disfunction. Trouble is, recognition and resolution do not go hand in hand: in fact, their only connection seems to be that they sit as the alpha and omega pieces of the spectrum of getting out our suicidal tendencies.

A quick note. Before you folks go screaming that I have lost my mind, sit for minute. There are almost infinte ways with thich to define ourselves: our successes, our interests, our passions. These are not the common traits that we ascribe to others and ourselves however. Think of the people you know: other than gross generalizations ('I just love this gal', 'He's so great' and so on) the way that most folk see is the vision of what is wrong ('He's a lecher', 'She's a no-talent hack slut', 'I'm no good' and so forth). The trouble with seeing what is wrong is that it creates a void where there was not one before. That's right, the same thing that makes you go out and buy a stupid looking pair of cargo pants is the same reason you just snorted whatever straight to your brain. Blame who you want, it's just the state of affairs. But this belies the need to pull our heads out of our collective asses and take a look.

Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps the world is actually a miserable place, and the fact is we should all be preparing to ruin ourselves in the name of having a 'good time' (which I often think is only so because we are either too hammered to feel anything or we give our hazy memories the benefit of the doubt), getting out of the shitty cycle of learning and experience in the world around us.

It boils down somewhat to this: nature has provided us everything we need, and culture has taught us to want everything, and everything we want in culture and do not get becomes a need. And I bite my thumb to that. Take a moment to stop and smell the roses without a joint in hand, see that dj without E in your head, drilling holes in what used to be grey matter, just try it. And if you decide that you prefer to medicate one of the three categories of suicidal tendencies, to take the addicted body over the potentially transcendant mind be my guest. At least you have something to think about.