I ended up with a nice comment on the last post, and as it will sit below this one I will spare the injustice of the wasted moments recanting for those who don't care, the morle of this story is that I didn't do an adaquate job of the rightful place of self-destruction for all those who careen out of control in any facet of their lives (& I dare the person who doesn't fall into this category).
To make a long story short, I claim that self-destruction is an ubiquitous feature in humanity: and that this actually the most prevallent way that folks seek to "have a good time" or enjoy themselves. It is our flaws that we seem to hold precious, as a maker of how special we are, that we have this or that misery: thus whether it be that special hurt of a door shut & locked, the glory of being able to take down a pony keg of whisky before your heart stops, when we look inside what we see is pain, a hole in our lives -- that is our driving motivation.
Think of an even better case: some who sees the world based on their successes rather than their failures. This type of person is running from sort of misery: be that who they were, or what they really need (ya know that 6th 0 in the annual salary you traded for you vaction; was that really the best call?). The fact is that except for a small percentage of the population who are balanced enough to no longer need, we are all running from something, and this cowardice is as fundamental as it get and is in itself self-destructive: this way of living just festers many various pathos' with colorful names and terrible consequences, least of which (I imagine at least) would be the midlife crisis.
All the while I admit that anyone with enough time and gumption can point up some inconsistances in my logic, and I wil grant anyone begging the question that point: being tired and stoned is decidedly not the best way to put my brain droppings into a neat order. The upshot of all this self destruction business, especially when applied to substance, is that the well balanced person, I would argue, has no need for illicit substance. I am not claiming that 'drug' as a concept is a bad thing: we all need to walk our own mile. To truly understand the almost uncountable facets of life means not being distracted by anything other than the current moment. This applies to 'this is great, but a joint would make it better', or 'I'm not a coke head, I only do a few lines a day/week'. Really examine the hidden implications of such words: to admit that life alone isn't enough means that you really aren't ready to see what is actually going on, or are unable to cope. While these problems can be blamed on any number of things, all I was doing was attempting to make a necessarry and existential claim to the self-destructive mode in the human psyche.
So don't take this as a rag on the various altering substances that have played such a large role in my existence, I just want to unearth what I think with a little work can come out to be more true than most people realize. Yes, if you need to I have to endorse seeing the world in as many ways as people are able, but the caution is this: realizing the moment that drugs stop being for the experience and become mostly for the fix is something that is almost exclusively found in hindsight.
The trick to the whole caboodle is self-awareness and introspection: these are endeavorus that are not rational, that is you cannot think about who you are and what you want, it is something you have to see; doing so will reveal some very interesting traits that are habits rather than actual personality features, and that every now and again the sober perspective has as much to say about what is going on, potentially more when we include the full functioning of our faculties, than the inebriated one. Just give it a shot, if you don't like it, I'd love to hear about it.
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