I quit my job today

     I quit my job today.  As the days passed, I could not help but realize my growing dependence on external objects in order to rationalize the position that I had recently accepted.  As it turns out, the only salve for working one of the few positions truly repugnant to my character is to enjoy to the fullest all of the things that selling out will entail.  As it turns out though, there is just no substitute for being happy with the contribution that I (he/she/it/they/Fido) am making in the world.
     It’s funny, because there is just an enormous amount to unpack in the acquisition and eventual termination of my brief stint working for the man.  We could start by wondering on the allure of capitalism, the passive operants which made the idea of selling things for a faceless finance corporation palatable, yet alone acceptable.  We could talk about recoil, about a life that returns to from substantial self-destruction (all those memories I don’t have, and so on) all the way to the other extreme in the name of running from our true nature.  We could expound on more benign qualities of my time there:  meeting new people, exploring a subculture that only the United States could create, perhaps even the racial implications of work by shift date (I worked second shift, and suffice to say I was the Cracker minority).  We could talk about all of those things, and perhaps in time I will, but I cannot help but notice the reason which finally snapped me out of my cube monkey insanity:  the hidden assumption.
     The hidden assumption comes to light at a crucial period not only personally but in a societal way as well.  Basically, I am talking about all of the implications of holding a given belief, especially the ones that we are not aware of on the face of things.  Take my job for example:  by working for Wells Fargo (I won’t even get into the actual job description), I was forced to hold some beliefs which twist my stomach into a knot even in retrospect.  
Like the notion that Wells Fargo is Ok.  Now I know that some of you might do your banking there, some might be just overjoyed at the idea of banking with a company with wagons, but at the end of the day, in my world, the corporation is nothing more than one which took a grievous and naive error by yours truly and mercilessly pounded him for every dollar that they possibly could (I’ll spare the details, but it was gruesome).  So to work for that corporation is to betray what I believe, for how can one truly accept working for a company which can ask to overlook obvious and insidious conflict of interest.
So aside from asking me to forgive the evil empire, we’ll talk about my reasons for sticking with it as long as I did.  The money was fantastic, I had a window cubicle, and I got to read in between calls.  Now pause.  Wait for it, wait for it, wait for what?  Exactly, those are terrible reasons to hold any sort of employ, one which forced me to hold some things as dear which just could not be thus and so.
We’ll start with money.  All those who know me well, and many who are passingly acquainted will quickly tell you that “Doing it for the $$” just isn’t in the vernacular.  As a function of being crucially poor though, I tried it.  That belief that there was a price on what I hold dear, coupled with the necessity of proving that my job “wasn’t all bad” leads to the new belief that there are things which are ok assuming that the right price is involved.  Of course my only answer is that there is never a reason to do something which is good enough to overcome what you know to be wrong.  I could reiterate it throughout the remainder, in every paragraph to come (it’s implicit) but better to italicize and assume it to be true from here on out.  So to right the idea of working for the weekend, I also had to believe that things (esp. greenbacks and the things to be purchased with them) could be even nearly as rewarding as values.  So also says the junkie as he/she trades the spirit for a fix.
A window cubicle then?  No, no, no.  Remember, watching nature a poor facsimile for being in it.  I watched the day slip away, every day from 11:30-Sundown, reasoning that “At least I’ll get to watch the day go by, it could be worse.”  I won’t even honor that idea with a treatment.
Reading on the job.  The best reason of them all, yet still insufficient in terms of the trade (you know, my soul for creature comforts).  Suffice to say I was quickly reduced to reading only WF acceptable material, and if you can imagine what that might be, suffice to say if it wasn’t financial, I couldn’t read it.  Ugh.  Even better, the reason that I couldn’t read what I would like was under the idea that if a superior walked by, we would seem unprofessional.  Right, like staring vacantly out the window could ever compare.  Also, look at the further assumption here.  Now, I have to believe that because my job allows my to slack a little, that is, get paid to do something in addition to my primary responsibilities, that it is ok.  Forget that you are learning what you have only a passing interest in.  Don’t dare remember that your output to the world rewards no one but a potentially monopolizing company.  And so forth.
So I cannot claim that I necessarily got too much of a point across, but when we move on, we need to vent, hopefully in an interesting way at least.  That aside, we need to stop thinking that the idea of a trade-off is acceptable; for every rationalization we make, we are affecting the deeper value system that lay beneath it.  Just in saying we’re doing something for, say x, y & z, we are also inevitably relegating other, probably more important ideas to a less prominent place in order to sleep better at night.  I cannot escape the notion however, that the world has evolved to a place where we might just be able to tailor the world to our needs.  So never sell yourself short, and if you must make concessions (we all need to learn to play well with each other, after all), really be aware that the ripples of consequence will travel into areas that only become clear upon deeper examination.  That said, I’ll be outside, call me if you need anything.