Today is a day for friends. I can’t really say what sparked it, but I cannot deny a tribute to all of the friends that we manage to pick up over this journey from here to, um, uh, wherever it is we actually go to depending on your beliefs. All the types of friends: from the drunken buddy to the profound too-bad-I-don’t-swing-that-way-or-I would-take-you-as-my-bride friend. So a toast to you dear friends in all of the incarnations in which you appear: you are the only way in which I can and have become better than myself.
I say better than myself because I’m a big fan of the idea that it is through our friends that we improve and grow. In the ideal case. Our friends are reflections of our opinions, decisions and habits, so a good friend, whatever the depth of length of the relationship, manages to help you work through those existential crises that we all go through: whether through a kind word, getting trounced because it’s the only thing to do or just saying nothing, softly letting us know that whatever dis-ease our mind may be suffering will soon pass.
That isn’t to say that all friends are “friends” in the sense I speak of before. There are friends of situation: the drinking buddy, the friend you got high with everyday, the f*ck buddy (is pretty popular); the list goes on and on. They are the people that you go to simply to let off some steam about the world. Whether you get along as people isn’t as important as the fact that you engage in the same potentially addictive behavior together; while I can’t say that this type of buddy is healthy, they serve and essential role in our growth. Thanks destructive friends.
Of course this isn’t to say that all friends fall into these categories exclusively. As it is with most theories in action, the types mentioned are simply a broad classification of the roles that the significant others we have play in our existence. For example I have a couple of close compadres who happen to be self-destructive and wonderfully insightful (at different times, but eh). I also have acquaintances that I only see perhaps 3 times a year: we have a great time together, and then poof, out of sight out of mind. You might know who you are, and if not, well whatever. The point is that as people we can only do so much by ourselves, and the roles our friends ideally fill are those which complete the gaps in our joy of living, whatever that means to us.
One thing involved in friendship that I’ve always found crucial is the idea of trust. A friend without trust is a mere acquaintance, for how can we share ourselves with someone who we don’t believe to be honest (I mean, it entails that they obviously need a little more work before they can even have friends as such: I suggest perhaps for a bit they need a case worker).
A friend must also fundamentally have our best interests in mind. “Our” is vague, and intentionally so: at worst, our friends need to have our mutual interests at heart. A selfish friend after all doesn’t see us as friends: more as a wall to talk at and use for personal purpose. I would call those types contacts more than friends, and thankfully so: what would friends be if we had to worry about being used. It’s hard to have a good time, that’s for sure.
There are many other types of friends as well: those who are profound even when it’s unnecessary, those who are truly kind without a thought in their heads, our perfect matches, sports friends, topical friends: the list goes on forever. As long as there are things to do that require (or suggest) more than 1, our friends are crucial to us. As long as desire a companion, it is our friends who are there. When we feel like feeding the science club, our friends are there.
And we are there for them. There is something so nice about knowing that you’ve got someone’s back (It’s pretty great knowing they’ve got yours too, but that’s implied, I think): that whatever dumb, average or brilliant thing that they do, you will be there. A friend in trouble is an opportunity to do real good in the world. It’s hard to say that your constant street canvassing on mercury pollution and toxic fish is doing good, yet lightening a dark mood of someone you care about: priceless.
So to all the friends I have had, do have and will have I say: congrats. Friendship at times can be a thankless unpaid position, but it is always rewarding. Even friendships that have worn out their relevance, for what it’s worth, I had a lot of fun when we did, and I now wish you nothing but the best. So call up someone you haven’t kept in the best touch with (I sure they’ll be happy to hear from you) and take another out for a drink: either way your friends deserve unmitigated acts of kindness, so let ‘em know – we would all like a reminder that we’re a positive influence somewhere after all, and for everyone that has seen the ups and downs in, don’t they deserve at least a specially directed how do you do?
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